Need advice on WAW with OM

[svejk]

As I mentioned earlier in my thread, a couple of months after we were separated my wife started a relationship that she ended when we started working on things together. But now she is back again with the same guy.

After she ended it with him the first time she told me a lot about him because she felt bad about what she had done. It turns out he is a bartender (no offense to bartenders) and has no ambition in life. My wife and I are both professionals with great jobs and future prospects. She admitted she could not see any long term prospects with him and sincerely regretted seeing him at all. She is obviously way above his maturity level and ambition level, and he is also 10 years younger than her.

I really think she is back with him because she is lonely. She has not been without a relationship since she was 17 years old. She has mentioned to me several times, while crying, that she doesn't want to be alone.

While she won't admit she is seeing him she alludes to the fact by saying things like "I don't know why I'm doing the things I'm doing, I'm not that kind of person." But she won't elaborate on what the "things" are. But it's pretty easy to read between the lines and see that she is talking about the OM.

Because at this point she doesn't want to be with me she needs someone in her life because she can't handle being alone. She can do so much better than this OM and I'm afraid she will continue with him just so that she won't be alone.

Maybe it's a good thing that she hasn't found someone that she wants a serious relationship with, and is just there to fill a space. But I'm afraid she will not ever end it on her own because she wants someone in her life.

I'm contemplating asking her as a friend why she is lowering herself just so that she won't be alone when she can do so much better. We also agreed to 1 month apart so she could figure things out, but I don't think she will figure anything out if she is seeing this OM, please correct me if I'm wrong.

Logically I think it's probably wrong for me to call her about the OM because it will probably just push her further away from me, but I'm just afraid that she will continue on with him. And the longer she sees him the more comfortable she will get with him.

At this point I don't think I have any leverage because she wants nothing to do with me, but losing her to someone I am so much better than is killing me. I have come very close to calling her in the last couple days and I'm afraid I'm going to call her within the next few days no matter what.

I know, my willpower and patience is severely lacking, but as long as I'm going to call her does anyone have any suggestions on the best thing I could say to her?


Thanks,
Svejk