So W’s Father left when she was young and physically abandoned the family. Her mother at that time emotionally abandoned the family, she suddenly became a single mother working two jobs and back at school. The only love she was shown during this time was the constant pushing by her mother to succeed in life and school. But nothing was centered on the kids emotional needs. Every opportunity was to teach them instead of letting them have some fun, all museums all the time.
My W had to fend for herself for the most part, her stories are heart wrenching. It wasn’t that it was an abusive home, there just wasn’t a home. Everything was withheld at there house, friends, dating, hell even sugar. When my w graduated from high school she still had to be in by 10pm. It had to be suffocating. She had to do a school sport if she wanted a job, and she had to have a job if she wanted to drive. Her time was so busy and filed up, she never got to be her.
Well she hits college, and her sister followed one year later. They were the party, they blew up with fun. They through huge house parties, drank every single night and lived like there was no tomorrow.
Then she meets me, and I provide all of the protection and security she never had. I support her and her dreams. I’m there for her, I stand behind her decisions and always encourage her. I take her on trips to places that are within 3 hours of her home and she has never seen. We spend weekends hiking, boating, going to visit other cities and she has never done anything like that. Everything is new for her, I don’t stop at the museum’s and force us to appreciate something we don’t care to see. I take her four wheeling, camping and we go out to movies and restaurants. All things that never happened at her house.
After we are married I start to run the show, even more so when we had our S. I control the finances, jobs, the budget. I shut down with school, I became very serious when our S was on the way and quit having fun, started to prepare to take care of everything. She has told me this, but I just didn’t realize it so much. I have become her mother. I was controlling all of the aspects of her life. I stifled all of the fun, encouraged saving every cent for a better tomorrow. I quit letting her live for today, stopped the fun and got down to business. We never struck a balance. Now she is out living it up, buying herself the car and having a good time. I wouldn’t want to come home to me either, what a bore.
I have to go back to the person I was when I meet her. Show her that she can live life and still have her family. Wow, this has really hit hard, it’s much worse then I thought and will take a lot to dig out of. At least now I know what has transpired and can easily get the compass in the right direction, and have reference points.
Comments welcome. I actually was going to throw a huge house party a few weeks ago to get back in touch with everyone. Maybe I’ll ask her if she wants to do it with me. Probably not a great idea yet, especially since we are on the edge of D. How can I show her without the talking anymore that I want her to have fun?
