Hi Mrs, I don't know you well, or know your sitch well but your personality reminds me of my H, and so I thought I'd respond.
Firstly, I was wondering if the two of you are really that good at showing vulnerability to the other. Saying, "I've had a really bad day and I could use a good talk with you" is somewhat vulnerable but being able and willing to say "I need you so much" is truly being vulnerable, kwim?
Secondly, until you both get in the habit of meeting each other's needs I would expect that any attempts to speak LL's will be awkward and forced. It's not really that you don't love each other or consider your spouse worthy of the effort--it's that you're not in the habit. I'd think of it like starting a new job or something--anything that helps you detach a bit from it. If you look back thru my threads you will see that I'm the crappiest detacher ever, so understand that it will take a long time and lots of practice.
Thirdly, resentment builds when you *want* to say something but you don't. If you know you are like this, then get in the habit of saying it when it pops up. It seems harsh, and it may seem like it to him at first, but getting it out in the open keeps it from compounding and resulting in him being 'punished' 3x as much as the original comment would have done. Iow, don't fool yourself into thinking that by sparing him your true feelings, you're doing him favors.
Finally, I think it's wise to keep in mind that cac is a guy. He is not wired to be a stellar conversationalist and share feelings and such. I think it's absolutely fair to expect him to *listen* to you, though. And he can certainly learn some conversational techniques to improve your enjoyment of this time together. But be careful not to keep raising the bar..."I'm upping the sex life so he'd better start sharing his feelings with me..." and so forth. Have you ever read a book called "What is he thinking?" (or something like that) It helped me to get an idea of how men are wired, what is reasonable to expect. It was really enlightening! It is filled with actual research and physiological descriptions of the differences between mens and womens' brains so it appealed to me, rather than a more psychological approach.
Anyway, best of luck to you! You can do this. Try not to worry about how awful it feels (and it does) as you're going through it. Avoiding feels better in the meantime, but ultimately drives you farther apart. You're doing the right thing!
