Retrouvaille vs Counseling

[AdamJ]

We have only been married for three years, but we have spent three times the amount of time together of a normal couple because we work together... If I had known what me working with my wife was going to do to us, I would have left after a week and gotten my own career started, whether I was working for minimum wage at McDonald's or making $50,000 a year in the IT field... It wouldn't matter which one I picked because my wife would have missed me when I got home rather than becoming sick of seeing me every day for 16 hours a day.

We went to Marriage Encounter a couple weekends ago, which was a huge mistake for a marriage that hasn't just lost the intimacy, but has truly lost the love. My wife hates me, likely as much as your wife hates you CY, and she has been having an emotional relationship with an OM... She has specifically said she doesn't love me anymore, never really loved me, and has no desire to work on our marriage anymore.

My Dad had cancer surgery yesterday, and I asked her to be there for me and him for support. She agreed, and at some point in the day, we stole off to a private room so I could read her a letter I had written to her about how I am changing my life for me, working for me, and taking control of my life. We held hands throughout the day, she held me as a friend, and at the end of the day when she was going back home, I kissed her without any meaning of intimacy... it was a "thank you for being here for me" kiss. When I got home, she turned it all around on me, saying I was being manipulative, using my dad to get closer to her and get her to come back to our marriage, which was the furthest thing from the truth, but she has now resorted to blaming me for everything bad in her life.

Last night, we called the Retrouvaille leader, and somehow she convinced my wife to go with me even though my wife has completely lost any hope for us. I have not given up, and I will not give up, because I know she has become disillusioned and confused by the OM and my own actions. I know that my actions are habits, and not personality traits, and she is in denial because of the excitement and ease of communication with the OM... I have hope that Retrouvaille will help us, if not bring us back together in our marriage, allow us to not argue about everything and live in peace with each other.

I am very much afraid of going there with her though, as Marriage Encounter just caused her pain. We haven't had sex in over a month, she is disgusted by me, doesn't want to see me or talk to me, and has no belief that I can change my behaviors. I love her with all my heart, and I feel that we are meant for each other, and I will not give up... I hope someone can convince me that even if we don't remain married, everything will be okay...