She writes about empathy and her #3 about fused empathy is totally me. I can't stand the fact that cac might feel hurt by some of this, and I actually feel responsible for what you wrote.

Why do you feel responsible if Cac4 is upset or sad? Do you believe it is your responsibility to "make" him happy? Do you believe it is HIS responsibility to "make" you happy?

I know it's out of fashion to use the "No Pain, no gain" mantra but really it is true. The problem is to distinguish the "good" pain which allows for growth and the "bad" pain of a tear or strain.

While a lot of this might seem harsh, from an outsider's POV I see cac4 and you as having the same struggles everyone does. Honestly I think both of you probably have more difficulty with SELF-INFLICTED pressures and disappointments than in demands from the other.

For example, Mrscac4, if you feel that QT is important, you might also feel that if cac4 doesn't want to spend QT with you it is a JUDGMENT of how he feels about you, how interesting you are, etc. And instead it may just be his discomfort with opening up.

On the other hand cac4 may see your awkwardness with initiating as a sign of not being attracted to him when in reality you may be very attracted to him to the point of feeling awkward.

The both of you may be looking for the other to "make" you feel something. Cobra and I disagree on this but I really think you have to look to yourself first. It gives you some control AND takes some pressure off your partner.



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus