Why should men marry (According to Deida)?

[fearless]

Here is what I have learned. Change yourself, thats the only thing you control. Become a Deida man. Stop being Mr. Nice Guy.

Okay, I am with you so far. And have you done any of the above actions? yes you've READ Deida's book but I don't see that you have put anything into practice. Also outside of the marriage, how do you feel about yourself? Good at your job and satisfied? Good network of friends and business associates? Good relationship with your sons?


And the worst thing, is that I need to reduce my expectations to the LOWEST level possible, because what is normal to me is something that my LD wife pretty much can not achieve. In other words, I will probably have to forget about much of my marriage.

And back to the whining. ANY reduction in expectations would be a SHORT TERM solution to getting yourself and your marriage back to a healthy balance. I would NEVER (and HAVE never) suggest that you should just give up wanting anything on your list.

My suggestion is that by releasing your grasp on the intense obsession and addiction you have to wanting those items might in turn actually GET you those items.

Do you understand? My GOAL is to GET you what you want. The problem for you is that it will take work from you, it is not a straight path to directly and immediately getting it, you feel resentful that your wife is left "off the hook," it is unfair to you, etc.

I've used this analogy before but you're like the guy who wants to lose 100 pounds OVERNIGHT and without dieting and exercising. it just doesn't happen that way. Sure I understand that you feel your wife is to blame and you resent her. But that resentment is a huge barrier to her desiring you. Normal people don't desire someone that resents them. Which means forgiveness is another difficult barrier you will need to climb.