You did radically improve your vibe, sister. It started the day you and your 2bx split.
That's true. The behavior I've been manifesting since then is directly reflective of the increased value or priority I put on my "sexuality". It's taken a bit longer for me to become self-validating about my "sexiness", probably because it took more of a direct hit of invalidation in my marriage. It's already hysterically funny to me that a few months ago I sat across a table after dinner with an edgy guy who had told me he was Irish and when he pointed out one of the drinks on the menu and said "Would you like a 'Nutty Irishman' for dessert?", I just smiled like a clueless 10 year old and said "No, thank you." because I couldn't "believe" he was hitting on me. I was so far gone that even after I had sex with a man who clearly was very physically attracted to me, I just decided that there was something magically unsexy about me. This continued through such incidents as being chased through the water by Dominican guy. What finally broke the "spell" my 2bx cast on me was I just told myself that I had to communicate a little better. So when it seemed about 95% likely to me that an objective observer might think that NG was hitting on me, I actually said something like "Are you hitting on me? I'm sorry to have to ask but it's hard for me to tell because I was married for a long time." Then it became REALLY obvious that he was. Anyways, you guys should probably feel kind of sorry for the men I've been interacting with since my split.
So, the reason I am getting felt up in my sleep isn't "because NG is more essentially HD than 2bx" (although this is true.) The reason is "because I valued my sexuality enough to behave in a manner consistent with expressing it as I desired."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
