Like going out til 3-4am with no call.(probably once every couple of months). REFUSING to agree to call. (I am not saying I was cool with him going out; I wasn't. I felt like I was compromising in requesting a call.)
Once being gone until 11am the following day without a call.
Buying a mustang without telling me first. (Found out from the neighbor)
Buying an old mustang where I said no.no.no.no.lender said it wouldn't affect us.no.no.no.no.no.no.no -and using the one "semi-yes" as the reason why he was getting it. "You can't change your mind like that!" HUH?
Buying many other things thru the years without previous discussion and refusing to take them back.
Going on trips without me and not calling.
Leaving me by myself at his work parties.
When his friend came here from out of town and we were working on fixing up our old house to rent, he refused to do ANY work, got mad at me and spent the night in the hotel with his friend. (Crappy friend for not at least offering to help do a little painting or something. My H drank non-stop while the friend was here. Friend ended up with DUI.)
Thinks that it's "bad" that I don't get crazy/silly drunk.
Telling me how he is "afraid he'll cheat" if he is a singer in a band. (Which is what he wants to be.)
Refusing to wear his ring for YEARS.
Has been waffling for a long time.
Flirting in bars. (His admission.)
An online EA. He did meet her once. (His admission)
Not setting boundaries when his ex wife would call at midnight; or call me names or whatever.
And that is stuff from the past-- Recent history: flaunting going out and staying out late. using me for sex. (Yes, I let him.Dumb me.) dawdling in his move out. refusing to not date other women during our separation. refusing to agree to absolutely no sexual contact w/an outsider during separation.
Makes him seem horrible. The ambivalence comes from the good in him- He's smart, talented, attractive, pretty insightful, loves animals and kids, affectionate, supportive of my dreams, artistic, handyman, excellent in the bedroom, enjoys same entertainment as I do, can be VERY loving,physically faithful (to this point).
But when I think about the sort of relationship I want to have, I am having a hard time picturing HIM being able to do it. My experience has become so tainted that I fear I would always be waiting for the proverbial shoe to fall. But then, what of the vows made before God and everybody? Do I really just cast them aside like yesterday's newspaper?
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
