Need advice on WAW with OM

[svejk]

Cliffy,

Thanks again for your response. Great advice! I think the journal idea will help tremendously. Just writing on my thread here has been very helpful and has kept me from going crazy and contacting my wife when I'm feeling down. I only wish I had started reading and writing on this thread 6 months ago. I think my relationship would be in a much better place at this point if I had. I've made many mistakes, but no use crying over spilt milk. Hopefully I'm not too late.

I am certainly familiar with the ups and downs of my wife retreating after I thought we were almost back together. It's happened too many times to count in the last few months. I've already learned to try and take my wife's comments with a grain of salt, but it's still painful anyway.

It's extra difficult for me to listen to my wife's comments because I am an Engineer and I think very logically (up until the last couple months) and usually my comments are well thought out and when I finally say something I mean it. But my wife blurts out how she feels at the moment without thinking it through and I've found she usually doesn't really mean what she says. I'm not mad at her for this or complaining about her. It's just the way she is. But it's frustrating because I can never figure her out, and I've given up trying. I guess once I get a consistent message for a long period of time from her, I can start to trust the message.

Another thing I've learned not to do is talk to mutual friends or her family members about our relationship. They think they are helping me by talking to her, but invariably it makes her angry at me and pushes her even further away. It makes it difficult because we've been together so long that my friends are her friends also. Thankfully I can vent and get advice on this site.

I just found out that my best friend is planning on meeting my wife for lunch. I think this is a bad idea. I've asked him not to mention our relationship or try and talk her into something, but after seeing me so hurt he is dead set on talking to her. He wants to ask her whether or not she wants to have anything to do with me or not. He thinks I need to get an answer one way or the other and not wait for her to make up her mind. I've tried explaining that it's not that easy, and that fixing our relationship takes time and is not that clearcut. I don't think he understands. I don't think I can stop him from talking to her. Any advice on this situation?

Thanks,
Svejk