Cheeseless tunnels... The going to where nothing happens? I don't have the books in front of me now.
I guess what happened for me is that I would set a boundary and she would cross it. Over and over. And the defiance, and the anger, etc. There were a lot of things that got better. And in many ways the relationship was better than ever. And I said that to her. And those around us who would ask how things were going. But, (and I hate using "but") she wouldn't stick to agreements, MC, etc. Like to finish talking about something later. She'd say I badgered her and pressured her. I'd give her space, hours, days, week. Come back to it. Same thing. Not meeting needs, honesty and openess, blah, blah, blah. It's all in the top of this post.
I originally worked mostly with DB ideas (My counselor is tuned in to all this stuff by the way). Although these were mostly the same as Plan A from MB. I got to this Plan B/LRT cause of the false R. Counselor and I talked a lot about this. He kinda wanted me to stick it out forever even though I had the grounds to D. He talked a lot about Hosea and Gomer (Please forgive me if my churchy speak is weak. It is. I'm still getting caught up. )
I still don't want a D. Never did. I do believe that the girl I fell for almost 16 years ago is still in there somewhere. That was my hope and patience. She was awesome. And I've missed her for years. Although pyscho/DB/MB etc. helps to explain all this, I still love her and miss that girl. She was my dreams come true. She's gone now. Where too? I don't know. I tried so hard to find her and bring her back home. And I am sad.
Somewhere though, one has to make a stand. I did. And it does suck. Not proud of it, not not proud of it. But the stand had to be made. Enough is enough. She is a big girl now. Time to grow up. See original post again.
I said earlier that I did a" Jesus in the Temple". Another analogy, in churchy speak, would be "God letting Israel go" in the OT. They cursed God forsoke him etc. He had enough and let them go. But he gave them a path back. That's kinda the path I took with my wife. Your free. Do as you please. I'm here, for now. Once again stuff counselor and I discussed.
I love that man. I've not said much about my earlier years, but he's become the big brother I never had. So much he's taught me. I was raised without a dad, gpa, or any man around. All women. Maybe that's why I'm a softie for you ladies !!!
I'm babbling. I'm journaling. I really feel better by being open here. It's vulnerable and I get thumped and helped. All good in the end.
So am I here to bitch or fix? How about both. And to learn and share from others in my shoes. I don't know what the hell I'm doing here or why, but it helps and I like it. My couselor can't be there 24/7 to talk to. So I started hanging here. I think for whats happened to us all, you have to talk. Even if your confused and aren't making sense. So what. As the really the point? I don't think so. It's often been said that what we are going through is like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or the joke version Post Infedility Stress Disorder=PISD (pissed). That's probably why were here. Me just need to talk and think this out.
Anyways, you guys Rock !!! I'm still waiting for Theo to thump me again.
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