Well here I am up and at em. Had my refreshing 4 hours of sleep. WAW should be here any minute with my girl. I will try to keep my PMA up. Like I said this morning, I dont think I am going to say a thing to her at this point. I dont have nothing to say..... Almost afraid to open my mouth, the way I feel the last few days, if I start talking I could verbally lambast her. Rather not even go there.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Well. Went to sleep last night before 11PM, slept until 8AM. I think I was up once during the night. Wife came and picked up our daughter about an hour ago. Not much talk. She wanted to pick up daughter for some fun stuff today, as she is on vacation this week. Even though it is "my time" why would I want to stand in the way of daughter having some fun?
Besides, I could use this alone time. I do have a few things that I need to accomplish. Also I am thinking that the fish might be biting? Its been awhile since I have been fishing. Dont know if I will get the chance today, but maybe if I dont sit in front of this computer all day I might!
I am still pretty much in the mind frame I was the other morning, which I believe is not all a bad thing. I do need to look after my behind at this point I believe. I am thinking that perhaps sometime late next week, or early the week after I want to ask her to come have a discussion with me. I want to ask her what is her opinion as to what we need to do about our house, and I want to somehow ask her what her plans are for the future. I may not get the answers I want, but I need to get at least some sort of idea where her thinking is at these days.........
Like I have stated before, I have gotten zero feedback, good or bad for about 3 months now. I do need a read from her on her mindset. Maybe, I will get that glimmer of hope? I think a response from her such as "I need more time" would at this point actually be a good thing.
So anyways, like I said, I am going to get my butt in gear. Not sit in front of this machine all day. You guys have a great day!!
NDDT- This might be a good point to write out some goals, ala DB. Have you looked into going dark? I don't know much about it, but it sounds like it might be appropriate for your sitch.
Well I have pretty much been dark. I dunno, gonna get through these next few days, I will have less stuff in this house by Sunday for sure. Whatever, this is out of my control.
I took a drive earlier this evening, and the Song Love will Find a Way by Pablo Cruise came on the radio. Its funny how a song can snap a person out of a funk.
I know however all this works out I will be ok.
Que Sera Sera
Going to bed soon as work tommorrow is sneaking up on me, promises to be a hot and miserable day in the factory!!!
I should be in bed sleeping as in 6 hours I have to get up for a long hot day in the factory. But I am not....
Its just.....uh......damn, I am so sad. I did not want things to go like this. We were supposed to be a happy family. We just bought a house. Today, I get a card from our realtor.....Congratualtions! On your 1 year anniversary as a home owner. HA! I sure dont feel like celebrating.
The one thing that I just cant get, is how she has turned so cold towards me? Yeah, I wasnt a perfect husband by any means. But I was there. We had good times, she cant remember.
I feel like I was used in a way. Like I was only good enough for just a short part of her life.
It hurts me so bad that our child has to go through this. I try real hard to stay strong for her. To do fun things with her. But at times it is so overwhelming........
I remember one of the final things wife said to me before she left, "I dont see any good ending to this"
At times I feel my heart hardening towards her. I actually feel better sometimes when that happens, as the pain is less, although the anger is more. Then there are times like tonight, when I lay in bed and cant sleep, when I ache. The cats are cuddling with me, and they will be gone too as she is taking them in the next day or two.
She did also say to me, "I wish there was some way I could take out daughter, and not share her with you too" that was 4 months ago.
I hate feeling like I have to protect myself from her. But I do not trust what she may try to do to me. At this point it could be anything?
I am sorry for my long rant......I am tired, and sad. I even had a few tears.........
Sorry for the funk you are in! Your W has certainly said some hurtful things! I know it is easier said than done, but try to focus on the stuff that is going good and stuff you are thankful for. It may help a little, but the full range of emotions, especially the sadness and anger need to be harnessed. Good luck with the sleep and surviving the heat tomorrow! I can feel your pain on that.
Thanks cliffy, the reach out helps. I nyquilled myself, maybe pull down a few hours yet tonight, if I quit smoking and typing.
I have no choice but to go forward, and face what each day may bring me. Good or bad. I know I can survive. There will be bad things, but there will also be good things. One foot in front of the other.
Some guy once told me, "If at this moment you knew exactly what the rest of life had in store for you, you would go completely mad"
I didnt get it at the time, but I think I am starting too.......
Get some sleep my friend.