Penny, Honey, I'm so sorry. I know how painful this is for you. Like we have discussed before I'm an only child also. I think that makes it doubly worse. My mom died 12 years ago and my dad lives out of state. I thank God daily for my wonderful friends, but I try not to burden them too much. Thank goodness for all of you on here.
I know it is so hard to be strong. Everyone tries to be supportive but unless they have been trough it they can't imagine it. Don't feel bad about whining, we are here to listen. I certainly have my poor pitiful me days. I believe the hardest part about this is feeling alone. I've never been alone in my whole life. I went from my parent's house, to college, to being married. I'm sure your cirmcumstances are similar. I have my DDs and they are definitely a blessing but I try hard to not to lean on them. They are young and thankfully have their friends. I don't want them to babysit mom. I know this is long but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one who has pity parties. I'm here for you. Email sometime if you would like klr1504@cebridge.net.
Hugs, Kim
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Penny, I have high hopes to maintain a good relationship with H's family since they live close by. I know it can be done. It sounds like your H's family will stand by you. MIL and former SIL keep in contact and take trips together. (Now I don't want to do that, but I don't want to desert her either). So far H's family has been supportive of me. We'll see what happens over the holidays (especially since H's ow is BIL's friend!!!).
WE WILL SURVIVE! It will just take awhile to get to the point we feel strong again!
Thanks guys...You all are great for a pick me up. I just posted on YOYO thread that I was listening to a CD and it was talking about fears. Lost of love is the hardest fear to over come. He said you have to convince yourself to stay positive and Get a Long with out Love. Get rid of all negative thoughts and bring out the best in yourself. I told him the other day you know our family is a strong family no matter what we have gone thru and if we get a divorce it will never be the same. We are really close to our boys but they still stand behind me which is nice. He just put his glasses on so I couldn't see his eyes. He is determined to move on with out me. She has such a hold on him and everyone has warned him but I'm not going to pickup the pieces like I did last time. He beg me to stay last time but he is on his own. Some of his brothers are saying if he isn't any smarter than that he deserves her. My one SIL said I can believe he is that stupid she use to be friends with OW and knows her well. She has even talked to H and told him about her. But you know she might be the best thing that ever happened to him. He told me the other day that we were just bad for each other.
I know his family will always be there. This family is a big family and a strong family that are close. It will be a hard adjustment. The kids and their cousins are all very close and do alot together. The adults are all in a range of different business so you are always dealing with them. They have always been there for me.
I even told my H the other day that we had both grown up alot and we should think about this before we threw it all away. He said he had been waiting for me and now it was to late. He said he hadn't been the best H and did I want to spend the rest o f mylife like that or would I rather leave and be happy. He has his mind set but he wants me to get the divorce. I think he has been trying to get me to weaken and file for the last few years by being a jerk than he would be nice. Emotional black mail. My Youngest S told me the other day that my MIL and FIL wouldn't let me leave. I live about a 1/4 mile away and help them alot. We live on there property. We had sold out place 2 years ago so we move there for a little while and we are still there.
yoyo Thank goodness for good friends..I to have good friends and good SIL's . I think they would do away with the OW if they come across her. Mattie You are right. We Will Survive!!!!!We have to be positive and not let negative thoughts in...Thanks guys for being here. I appreciate the hugs. I think I miss the hugs that I used to get all the time. So i appreciate them
Thanks guys you are the greatest. I really appreciate the hugs I can feel them. It has been ok. He still called me asking for advice on some business deals and how to do some things. Maybe next time I need to not now how to do some many things for him.
It it such a good feeling knowing you guys are all here. Hope it works that way for you too.
HI I remember the other day when I talked to him about him being home for a month. He said that I needed to read an al-anon book that it would help me? What do you guys think? ONe of his friends is a recovering alcholic and told me my husband is like a dry alcholic all the symptoms of an alcholic but doesn't rely on drinking. I still believe to he is in a MLC and it like everyone else's have no feelings for anything but them selves. Even though he says he loves the kids and loves me but not in the same way any more. I know he is in love her even though he sys he is not getting an relationship.
It does help even though it is pain ful for everyone knowing that someone else is going thru the same thing but it is weird how amazingly every story is so close.
HI I remember the other day when I talked to him about him being home for a month. He said that I needed to read an al-anon book that it would help me? What do you guys think? ONe of his friends is a recovering alcholic and told me my husband is like a dry alcholic all the symptoms of an alcholic but doesn't rely on drinking.
Penny,
I do go to alanon meetings and read alanon books, my favorite is a courage to change. my H does have a problem with drinking so it helps me. but honestly i think it is good for anyone. the basic principal of alanon is alot like DB'ing. that you can only control and change yourself, that you need to worry about your own box, to detach with love, and the let the other person live their life and figure things out on their own in their own time. it could not hurt.
