That is so touching. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes.
At the end of the weekend they asked what we found to be the most signicant thing for us over the weekend. (This was the first time they asked us to share in the group at all, except for introductions.) I said that I didn't remember when my husband and I had changed from the happy newlyweds we once were, but I came to the weekend and I met the man I married. People all over the room were agreeing. So it was not an uncommon experience.
The weekend is the turning point when you stop the old habits and learn to communicate. But there is homework that you do each night for the first week, practicing the dialoguing. And then you start the post sessions. The 6 post sessions are on the next 6 Sundays (or they were for us.)Here they talk more about theory. How to rebuild your marriage. Love is a decision. Forgiveness is a decision, etc. The method is still the same, but it's assumed you know how to dialogue and now can work on issues. It's not until about the 4th post session when they get to how to have a structured disagreement. And you practice doing an easy one at the session. You know, we haven't had a disagreement since. I think neither of us wants to go thru a structure to argue, so we just avoid arguing. It takes away all the fun of poking jabs at each other, and trying to outsmart each other. You have to consider the other person's feelings and make accomodations. Where's the fun in that?
After the weekend we came home happy but walking on eggshells. Could we maintain the closeness while living in the real world? We looked forward to those post sessions every week. But slowly we got stronger. And now it's second nature.
Remember, don't try to fix your marriage first. Just get her to walk in the door.
