She sounds like she is both shaken and stirred. Not the way to order a drink huh? You are right to turn it down for now. She may be scared that she will be all alone at the end of her actions so she is trying to keep one foot in the door. It will be good for the kids if she will keep connecting with them, but they will not be her ultimate goal. She will one day try to find out how to bring that baby home.
I can see this already, she is slowly reconnecting with the kids and has been reaching out to her estranged parents since she has discovered the pregnancy.
Originally Posted By: Was2sad
I'm afraid you will one day be making tougher choices than you think you are making today. What happens if she and the kids complete a proper bond, the kids fall in love with the baby, and you see all the signs of the woman you cared for so deeply?
I have thought about this alot since the announcement and have done alot of research as well, I think the kids will bond with her new baby and I do believe I might even see a better woman than the one who left, there is no question that pre MLC she was one of the best mothers around.
Originally Posted By: Was2sad
When the only bridge left to cross is the one with that OM baby on it, and your W is holding her arms out to you, what then? The thought must really leave a very sour taste in your mind today. But if she already had a child from someone else when you first met, would you have crossed that bridge? Is it really a bridge you can never cross, or just one that will take a very special loving caring human being?
It's funny that early on in my sitch I had a dream, I saw her pregnant in that dream, I awoke in a cold sweat because it was so real and I knew in my gut it was only a matter of time. If she had a child when we met I honestly can say that it would have been a deal breaker from the start, mind you that was near 20 years ago and I was just a young guy trying to take on the world. Is it a bridge i cant cross? Tough to answer that one because of the circumstances, you see my GF has a DD13 and that dosen't bother me now at this age, I guess I can cross the bridge with her but could I cross it for STBX, well it's pretty doubtful I could.
Originally Posted By: Was2sad
Perhaps the baggage of the OM always being around for the baby would tip the scales in the end.
Hmmmm ... pondering.
This is a big thing to ponder and i have spent many hours on this. I guess this is where the deal breaker is in this new twist, this OM will always be around and from what I can guess causing trouble for yours truly. I can see what the future would hold in this case, CS problems, visitation problems and behavior problems amongst the smaller issues that will come from this. There will be alot of additional grief in it for me as well as I would end up having to deal with OM as well.
This would make things very difficult for both STBX and myself, you see there would be daily reminders of what has happened and that would make any healing difficult if not impossible. The constant daily reminder of this dark time is something I can do without.
I have a very strong feeling that she is going to want to return and it saddens me to admit that the answer is going to be "no".
