Desire vs. Willingness and the Love Languages

[haphazard]

My LL's are QT and PT too. And Fearless is right although I can get plenty of QT from friends and family not getting it from my H sucks. Not getting either from him sucked even worse.

I love to shop too, and cac does not. Well, I guess it depends on what we're shopping for. I learned a long time ago not to have him come along to the mall because it is clear that he is bored, impatient and unhappy being there, and knowing that made it nearly impossible for me to enjoy shopping with him. In fact, I am usually unable to enjoy myself in any activity with cac if he is bored or annoyed. This is true for him too, at least some of the time.

My primary LL is QT. cac struggles with QT, especially the kind of QT I like best, which is TALKING. I love to talk about my feelings, his feelings, our R, our family, our future, our dreams, etc. He really doesn't like to do this, especially talking about feelings. He dislikes this when I initiate it, which almost all of the time. It is extremely unusual for him to initiate this type of talk with me.

I can really relate to this. Like you Mrs Cac I found reading the QT chapter in 5LL's a pipe dream. In fact I cried when I read it because it made me realise just how strongly I miss that from my H.

I am pretty sure that being HD does mean your LL is PT. I think Cemar's problem may be that that is his only LL, most of us have a couple at least.

If sex is important to cac and you have gone to the trouble of understanding that and trying to step up to the plate then cac needs to do the same for you in regard to QT. Speaking as a high-drive QT person as well as a high-drive PT person I can definitely say BOTH are equally important and it hurts just as bad not getting QT as it does not getting PT. Cac may well find out that that way to get you more desirous of him is to spend more time doing QT activities with you.

Fran