I spoke with CW's H quickly today, and he offered up that he gave her the conditions (that he wants the house and the kids) and seemed hopeful, but not nearly as much today. (I don't need any more drama in my life, thank you. But it would be lovely if you all picked up and moved cross-country...)

Seeing the C was a good thing today. She got me to a place where I was able to reinforce my strength, and recommit to the no-contact. Respect him enough (doesn't that sound silly, given the sitch?) and love him enough to do things his way for a while--let him go and have his space. I know that it is fear holding me back...but the reality is, afraid or no, if he isn't coming back, there isn't a thing I can do about it.

C pointed out that she sees the CURRENT R as very damaging to me, and I really have to back out of it. Even with the A, he still has a lot of blame and resentment towards me, and she worries that I buy into it too often.

Looking back, I am amazed that I was able to do it with my sister. I knew the likely result, but I still wasn't afraid. I don't see or talk to her anymore, but if she came into my life today, I would welcome her.

Only two full days until we are on the plane!! I can't WAIT to get away from all this! I hope that being that far away will be able to kickstart a true sense of detachment for me. Or that the anger would come back, but C said that it will be there when I am ready for it (Sara, be my wing-man when it happens, ok?).

Oh, almost forgot--surprise, surprise, he actually wrote the Friend thing that I asked him to! My definition is on the old thread (bored some people to death with that one, sorry). C read it, and said it was the most info he has shared in a long time, if ever, since this started.

What is a friend:

*A friend accepts a person's choices even though they disagree.

*A friend hears a person's feelings and doesn't judge those feelings.

*A friend listens to a person and allows a person a freedom to follow those feelings without damage to the friendship.

*A friend is there in an hour of need regardless of circumstances.

*A friend feels unspoken pain.

*A friend loves for who a person is not what they have done.

*A friend helps to find a positive in any situation.


Still digesting this, but some of it is asking the impossible, at least right now--ex.) accepting his A/feelings for another woman IS going to be damaging to our friendship.

But hey, he wrote something down, and he seemed to put thought into it. Now, to let him go (even if I am still struggling to move forward myself).