Then I remember what NOP wrote a few months ago. Loosely summarizing, he said that sex/PT is different than the other LLs because it's the only one you can't get from anyone other than your spouse.

And I disagreed with that viewpoint because LL are about how SPOUSES show their love for each other. As I said my LL are QT and PT. When my XH was not giving me QT, it did not matter that I had plenty of friends and family willing to give me QT. Their QT did not demonstrate that my HUSBAND loved me. In fact having friends WANT to spend time with me made it more painfully clear that my husband was not spending time with me. Whether or not you can get PT from someone else or not is not relevant to the LL discussion IMHO. After all even if your wife or Husband was okay with you having sex with someone else, would it make you feel more LOVED by your spouse if THEY didn't have sex with you????

Does this mean that PT is more important than the others? And if it is....then is it possible that one whose LL is PT might NOT take their spouse's non-PT LL as seriously as their own?

Elevating a LL seems like a sure-fire way to build resentment. I do think it is possible that some people believe their LL is more important whether that LL is PT or not.

Is it reasonable for me to expect cac to enthusiastically do activities in my LL?

My opinion is that I don't care so much about the enthusiasm or performance because the effort itself shows how much they care and are trying. of course I don't want grunts and condescending remarks like "There. Are you happy now?" But a shaky awkward but heartfelt try is worth a lot in my book. But that's me.

And who knows after awhile once they get used to it and both of you are more open to meet each other's LL, I would guess both of you would feel more comfortable talking in the other's LL.



But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus