It begins ... with a slice of comedy.

[Trixi]

I woke up this morning having interrupted a really funny dream. I was having a rant at my W. I was complaining that by leaving she had ended up turning our house into what looked like the contents of a charity shop! (Do you have those in North America?). Clearly my mind is dealing with the issues in its own way. It really made me smile.

yes, we do have those places; and I can quite clearly picture what you mean in my mind. Very funny image Nothing like some humor to lift the spirits.

I had a bit of a better chat with one old school friend last night who was more supportive and very surprised at the news of the separation too. I guess it could be a guy thing, and also that I generally keep emotionally distant from people (a trust issue). I don't actually feel that fragile now I have minimal contact with her. A clean break is actually quite healthy.

Good to hear on all counts. As I mentioned to mkultra in her thread, maybe you want to be working on that 'trust issue' during this break. I know that this "process" (or "personal hell" as I like to call it..Just kidding) anyway, I know that this process has already shown me that I am a lot stronger than I thought. So, what better time to really stretch and do some "scary" things? I mean, what I would consider "the worst" already happened and I am still here to tell the tale.

The tough stuff does consist of moments which catch you out, like you and the pillows, and me and music. Still I find music incredibly therapeutic at the moment.

The holiday is sorted by the looks of things! I am off to Turkey for two weeks, traveling around to see the sights. Should be a great break hopefully. Will be resigning from my job today and accepting the new one too. Big changes.

Wow! Yeah, talk about big changes! You'll sure have a lot to reflect on at the end of 2007. When do you leave for Turkey? gosh, how exciting and exotic. I am a bit jealous. My H and I decided that neither one of us is allowed to spend $$ on non-necessities. I think a vacation would fall into the category.

You should get a myspace page (or some other such thing) when you come back and post pictures!

[Trixi]

Max-
any updates on your sitch?

[MaxP]

Agent99,

No, not much. My W emailed me today about whether we should meet this month, and if so when. I said would after my holiday be ok, so we have agreed a date on which to meet. She is still very brief. I gave her a longer second reply, basically being friendly, as my first email was quite short. Not sure if that's DBing or not.

Had to phone her tonight for the first time since I had either had something stolen or it fell out of my bag on my way to work this morning. Ended up leaving a message as I wanted to ask her just to check her card transactions, just in case someone had access to my wallet too - although I think that is very unlikely. Typically the item that's gone was my present to myself for getting the new job. Life sucks!

So feeling pretty lonely this week, counting down the days to my trip. Being aware that I'm leaving my job makes me feel very much in limbo. It's so surreal not seeing her at all for several weeks, it removes the stress for me but I do really miss her too. I guess I find it hard to interact with her, just because of the hightened emotions and my lack of understanding/empathy for why this is happening. Perhaps it will get easier after another 3-4 weeks? Who knows.

It's just so quiet.

Well, back to my lengthy list of jobs to do.

How are things with you? (and thanks for asking).

Max

[SallyM]

Max, that is a lot of upheaval in a short amount of time...hopefully things will settle down, and (the job and the trip at least) will be an exciting adventure. talk about GAL! seems like you have in spades.

it is very weird interacting with our spouses, because they are acting in such a foreign way....they aren't the people we know and love in a way. like right now, H is very probably going to take a new job. its a change for him, not just company, but industry, and it would normally be a time for us to celebrate...but other than just say, congrats, to him, I don't think I'll get to be any part of it.

anyway, good luck and hope you find the item you lost.

[MaxP]

Thanks morgan,

Spending so many evenings alone makes me feel that I am not doing a great job on the GAL front - so thanks for those encouraging words. Also the missing item may have been handed in, I'll find out on Monday, so good news there.

As an update to my sitch, my W came round unexpectedly today, she needed to check something in the house. It's the first time I've seen her for just over two weeks. It felt really weird. The conversation was fine, a bit about what we've been up to, how we've been, houses, etc. I was generous, as ever. She left quite quickly since she said she didn't want to prolong what was something that felt strange to her - and she had another appointment. We weren't meant to be seeing each other for another 3 weeks - a break in our pre-agreed dark period.

If nothing else it confirmed that I am still deeply in love with her; that I find her incredibly attractive and feel a huge sense of loss, confusion and emotion just being around her. If we don't work out it's going to take a very, very long time to get over. It was good to see her, but it is really hard too. I guess I should just be thankful that I have experienced that intensity of love in my life, if nothing else - which is great. I still find love utterly amazing.

Morgan, I wonder how my W feels about me and my new job? She doesn't say much, other than asking what I am going to spend the money on! It's a change of industry but not profession for my too. How do you feel about not being part of your H's change of job? It's weird not having my W to consult. I miss that.

Well, time to go back to detaching, calming down a bit and working out how I get more social interaction into my life.

Take care all.

Max

[JonRD463]

Hi Max. I've been reading your thread, and I can identify with your feelings almost exactly. I'm still in the early stages, as my wife went to her parents' house Tuesday night of this week.

It's funny, the feeling of liberation you get from being home alone-- at least during the day. Having taken a leave of absence from work, I'm pretty much free to be a slob and free of responsibilities for now. I'm sort of savoring it, because I intend to start tightening up my own "domestic behaviors". My house has that "charity shop" feel to it, too, and eventually I'm going to start cleaning it up.

Unfortunately, that day-time liberation is bookended by nights alone in a bed that seems just too damned big at the moment. Her scent is on her pillow and the sheets, which I'm going to have to wash sooner or later. Just can't bear to do that now.

On the bright side, The Divorce Remedy arrived in the mail today, and I've been reading it. I'm only here now because I've just had a small afternoon meal and was catching up on the news. Gonna get back to the book now.

It's good to say truthfully, and without being glib or trite, that I do feel your pain. Even though I haven't had direct exchanges with most of the folks here, it's good to know that many others can empathize. Here's hoping for ultimately a positive outcome, in whatever form it may take. Enjoy your holiday in Turkey!

-Jon

[Trixi]

just bumping this up

How have things been going? You haven't really brought us up to speed lately.

When is your trip?

[MaxP]

JonRD463,

Thanks for your comments. It's nice to see that people think the same way, even in these odd times of ours. It's strange being alone, but even stranger meeting my W in familiar surroundings again. As I've said earlier, seeing her again brought back all my feelings of love - so that is hard. Away from her I feel much more normal, but a bit lonely too.

I don't mind being on my own most of the time, but I find it hard when there is no-one to go out with during the week if I want to. The charity shop comment comes just from my dream, our house looks really good at the moment - and is super tidy (one way of filling my time). Perhaps it is a fear of mine.

I can understand not wanting to remove certain traces of your W, like washing the pillow covers. I am the same with her notes that she leaves when she comes round. I like seeing her writing.

I am looking forwards to Turkey, a complete change of scene. What won't be quite so nice is the really early start on Saturday (3am -eek). So will be off-line for a while.

Hope your sitch isn't too painful. It's a really strange time.

Max

[MaxP]

Agent99,

Thanks for checking in and the bump!

Apart from the odd time last week when my W came round (see my earlier comments) things have been pretty quiet. Seeing her again brought lots of emotions flooding back, which was hard. At least they were good emotions, even the sadness. If nothing else, it proves I am still very much in love.

Things are odd on the work front too, slowly winding down and preparing to wind up for the new job. Big changes and unknowns ahead, but I'll do my best. Did a big shopping trip at the weekend and spent far too much money (mainly on new work clothes as I may have to be very smart). Also caught up with my brother and his family which was great.

I leave for Turkey on Saturday and will be away for two weeks. I would be surprised if I get much of a chance to be online, so you may not hear from me for a while. Hopefully that'll be because I'm having fun too! So hope all goes well with you and your sitch while I am away. Will probably take DR with me as there may be lots of thinking time too.

So feeling OK at the moment. Was wondering just how many WAWs do decide to come home though. Is it really possible? It seems that Ws may behave differently to Hs as they normally go for different reasons. Does she miss me at all I wonder, she never seems to show it. It's funny how you can love someone so much but they don't want you in their lives anymore. Still we hear so often of such remarkable changes on this board so let's hope for that but plan for other futures too.

Hint, more stories of "dyed-in-the-wool-I'm-never-coming-back- because-I-don't-love-you-or-don't-find-you-attractive-or-need-to-
be-happier-or-in-another-place-or-I've-just-lost-the-plot-WAS- who-much-later-realise-you're-pretty-special-ARE-appreciated!"*

How are you BTW?

Max

* delete the ones that don't apply to you.

[Trixi]

Hint, more stories of "dyed-in-the-wool-I'm-never-coming-back- because-I-don't-love-you-or-don't-find-you-attractive-or-need-to-
be-happier-or-in-another-place-or-I've-just-lost-the-plot-WAS- who-much-later-realise-you're-pretty-special-ARE-appreciated!"*

LOL- read NikkiB's story. Actually, there are all sorts of stories like this on the board.

The one theme I keep reading, though, is not to expect a Hollywood ending where they throw themselves into your arms, profess undying love and then you and your spouse live happily ever after. First problem-most WAS are embarrassed and probably want to save face to a degree. Second problem-LBS is going to be very angry for all the hurt inflicted by the WAS. It's not until the 'crisis' is over that the LBS can start to process that anger. Also, obviously, there was something wrong with the marriage to begin with, so all of that has to be worked thru, too. *sigh* sounds a little daunting.

Take lots of pictures of your trip and maybe you can post some them on flickr.com or some such place. I would love to live vicariously through you. Since H and I agreed to not buy anything during this time, I could never get away with an exotic trip...unless I used $$ out of my nest egg to do it. It might be worth my sanity to do it; but I might want to be able to buy a new set of couches more.... Maybe pics from your trip would inspire me!