Things have been going along fine, sometimes even good. Yet.. where is H tonight? out with ow? Is he where he says he was going to be? does it even matter?
I've been out being a crazy person getting a life, reconnecting with old friends, being super busy with work. We have been acting almost like a normal family. Sometimes I can actually feel H being drawn to me. Great on the surface, right? How can we feel sometimes as if things are ok.. It's weird. My outlook on life in general is MUCH improved. My outlook on the possibility of saving my M is not so good..
I feel like this has been going on so long that I can't even decide if things that are said or done are good or bad. H told me last week that he's realized how much he really loves me.. Then, a few days later the ow tm's him LATE at night on our weekend away. He said that he wasn't going to answer but, I know that he did later when he thought I didn't know.. So, which one is it? Is it that you really love your W but also really love screwing the ow?? Is that it??
Tired, tired, tired.. Tired of the lying, tired of not being a part of all of my spouse's life, tired of always wondering where, with who, what...
My outlook on life really has been much better - I swear! Guess I'm just feeling very melancholy tonight and my imagination is running wild... Time to go make a cocktail!
I'm sorry Olive. The trust thing has to be hard. My husband just left and never came back really so I can't offer you much advice. Just know I'm here for you. Make that cocktail a double!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I just read this chapter in DR. Michelle wrote that we need to be prepared for sadness when our spouse ends it with the OP. We have to be understanding that their R has ended and that OP had offered them something that made them feel better. So when they go cold turkey, they feel loss too. SOUNDS crazy bu I guess we have to think if it were us. The S having the affair may not be evil just selfish. I hate to say it, but I guess we have to be understanding. I would like to take the crowbar way sometimes but I will just put that fantasy in my next movie for us all in here.
I'll take a gin and tonic, please.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
So, I "think" these are recent positives: Surprise bouquet of flowers Doing certain housework that he hates doing Pulling up a chair so I can sit next to him at a party - more than once. Waiting for me on our walks instead of walking ahead of me Complimenting my physical "assets"
Recent negative: No attempts at physical touch - odd...
I'm still sooooooooooooooo confused that at times I don't even know what to say or how to act.. At those times, I either ignore him or hug him - right or wrong.. who knows??
Recent negative: No attempts at physical touch - odd...[quote]
LO,
That may be the Guilt talking!
I to go thru these thought and feelings all of the time.
My H says that nothing is going on and they knew what they were doing was wrong(EA) but I wonder all of the time because H works with her and does have to have contact.
Sounds like a lot more positives than negatives and that you are moving forward be it ever so slowly.
Hopfully your H is working on things and OW will soon be just gum on the bottom of your shoe that gets scrped off on the pavement.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
LO, if my situation is any indication, your H is turning around. From this board, I already know there will be back and forth with OW. And this phase is HARD. Loving, distant, loving, distant. As my h put is once, "When I am with you, I am very happy. When I am not with you, I am stressed." This is even after making the decision to end it with OW. Your h probably loves you, but, unfortunately, he loves OW also.
At this point, H: - knows he loves you - does not want M to end (or soon he will realize that) - feels guilty towards OW because HE started all this with OW (regardless of who initiated first) - feels bad about just dumping OW (or may be he does not know yet if he wants to dump her) - does not know what to do - meanwhile, all he can do is be very nice to you, and may be to OW also
So, watch if the time/energy with you is increasing. That will be a sign.
As with getting tired, I totally know what you mean. Sometimes I feel, "WTH, why be so nice to me? If you really want to be with me, end the A" But of course, this does not happen right away.
I can say, really really try hard to ignore the tiem he interacts with OW. Concentrate enjoying the time with H. Having said that, I have my emotional explosion all teh time when I was in that phase. It DID NOT help the situation. You may also feel down at times, just get over it as much as you can. (VERY HARD TO DO, sympathy for you).
OW will not disappear right away. It will be two steps forward, one step back. From your thread, I can see that it is moving forward, though. Keep it up. I know tough love approach does not work with my H, so I have to let him quit very slowly. I try to tell myself, "If he is a decent man (ha), he won't be able to just dump a woman and leave her out to wither. That's why he cannot just go cold turkey. He has feelings too. I would not marry a guy who would just dump a girl and does not care whether she lives or die."
All I can say now really this period is VERY EMOTIONALLY draining. Take care.
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
Unhook yourself from the affair for a set period of time.
He loves you. He loves her, too. He can't make up his mind.
Set a date to re-evaluate if pure GAL works or not.
Im my sitch I thought W was only in EA with W, but it was PA. My wife revealed it was a PA after she broke it off with OM. She wouldn't, however, re-commit to the marriage, so I refused to buy a house until we were on more solid footing. I also asked her to get tested for STD and she blew a fuse. She wanted a separation, which I refused.
Boundaries test the heart of the WAS. After I refused to buy the house, she re-connected with OM.
I suggest for your own sanity, set dates and evaluate. If things don't improve, ramp up to Going Dark/LRT, if nothing changes, then ramp up to strong boundaries, if that doesn't work, then go for ultimatum. This is for your sanity.
I've read your situation from the beginning. I've got some observations. If you want to email me about it: theoden.king@hotmail.com
Husband