LS - that made me smile. thinking about you finding pennies and stringing them together, that's sweet!
I think it's great that your W wants to talk. I'm sure you have so much to say to her and want to hear so much back. Perhaps you should just listen to what she has to say and not say too much back. Be affirming, be supportive of what she has to say, but don't reveal how you feel about what she is saying. If she asks what you think about what she is saying tell her you need to think about it for awhile. No matter what it is. Just slow the process way down. If you establish in your mind, prior to speaking to her, that you aren't going to respond until 'later' (whether that be a few hours later or a day or 2 later) you may be able to do it.
As difficult as it was for you to let your W go on this trip, I think it was wise. You allowed her to get a look at the OM in a way that she was maybe unprepared for.
Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed!
EM
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
I just have a minuite. I would like to thank everyone for the support i have recieved. It has helped me tremendosly. I try to add my support to you also. You guys/gals are my friends.
I am very nervous about my talk tonight. I try not to think about it but its always there.
Guess i just need some luck.
Light Switch
Me 37 W 37 D21 D17 D12 S8 grandparents 7/07 boy Married 16 yrs last June 07 Bomb dropped 4/07
"Do what you feel in your heart to be right-for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't", Eleanor Roosevelt
A little bit ago w called cell phone while i was in the office. She said she just wanted to let me know she was in fargo. she commented on what a confusing weekend. I asked if it was the flying part. She said the time change and all. I got the impression the confusing part was the r part. She commented she missed me. She commented on being confused and nothing I can say to her about it. Then she asked what I want. I replied can we talk about it tonight.
I think she should tell me what she found on her trip and what she wants first.
I posted to Husband earlier about why i am still fighting: my wife, my kids, and the ability to have a happy life and share it with someone you love.
Had a talk last night It was cut short, d20 came over for supper. She talked about om's comment women need two things love and security. She said om has love and doesnt think she feels he could provide security like me. She is still torn. She hates herself for bringing om into this. She said no mater what she does she is going to hurt someone Me or om. She asked me for a hug because she wanted to remember what one felt like. It was great, I hugged her didnt try to kiss her. She said he has more passon for her than I ever did. I said I do but have never known how to show it. She said on her triphome he texted her about coming to mineapolis to see her soon. She didnt say if she agreed. Om told her these where the best 4 days of his life. Om thinks or doesnt understand about d and custody, asking her to bring kids out there for half a year then back here for rest. Sounds like he doesnt know exactly what he is getting into.
I am torn about keeping my mouth shut. If i dont speek up and tell her she is the one for me and fight for her, I think that will hurt my chances later(you didnt fight for me). She asked me to go out to eat wed night to be alone to talk. I said ok.
I went to bed befor her and slept in our bed, I put a pillow in middle and she slept there also last night. I havnt told her im staying in there yet.
gtg to work PS one of my goals was to have her hug me or show some kind of affection to me.
I am torn about keeping my mouth shut. If i dont speek up and tell her she is the one for me and fight for her, I think that will hurt my chances later(you didnt fight for me).
LS,
SAME HERE, What do we do? I feel the same way but....... the other side of my head tells me if I pursue I will push her away.
I think we need to find the Line between GAL and Pursuit. Like maybe get her a flower on the way our for a night with the guys, I feel like my time is running out right now with the possibility of My W losing he job. I would be in a good place it we were at least piecing when it hits her. I could be there for support. If not her depression could drive her insanity deeper
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Cant you tell your w about job thing or is it a privacy thing w/your work? Seems that before this things where looking up maybe they will continue just like they were.
My mouth usually mess up what i really want to say, afraid of that tonight. I told my w that i will be working my current job till the end of this year cause i am taking that class through work. I told her it is for me and should help w/communication at home also. I so want to tell her that i love her, but i wont. If the oppertunity arises tonight should i hold her hand? I also dont want to be pushed away.
You are asking the wrong person. If I were to let my emotions take over I would be on my way home right now to talk to W telling her how Much I miss saying ILU to her.
My little thrill I have to look forward to is that on the way to the hospiltal from the parking lot I want to so badly hold her hand. Here we are grown men acting like little kids getting to hold the hand of the girl we like.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Once read a book called "Games People Play". One of the most popular games is "Lets You and Him Fight". Woman sets up this situation and waits to see the men fight over her. Gives her a big ego boost to have 2 men want her so much.
LS: Glad to hear you "survived." I knew you would do OK!! Also, great pix.
I think ediemarie had great advice. Take things slowly. Respond to anything that she says by saying, "I'm going to need to think about that." You do not need to respond immediately to anything that she says. Just keep that in mind today, tomorrow, and in the future (I too have a problem with "foot-in-mouth" disease - always saying the wrong thing). I try to use that phrase to buy some time to respond appropriately. It drives the wife crazy, but it protects me.
Regarding physical contact, I would say take it slowly. She has moved away from you. Make yourself an attractive target, and wait for her to move toward you . Just my opinion.
SAME HERE, What do we do? I feel the same way but....... the other side of my head tells me if I pursue I will push her away.
I think we need to find the Line between GAL and Pursuit.
Husband
this is something that I have been struggling with too. i am trying to GAL, and do the LRT techniques but sometimes I feel like they make him feel like I condone his behaviour and that I have moved on and the door is closed. I am trying to figure out ways to let him know that the door is open without breaking any LRT rules and not doing any pursuing, etc.
For now, I find ways to touch elbows as i say bye, or some sort of accidental touch as I hand him the baby etc. Part of me longs so much for that touch, so it is hard not to just run to the door and wrap my arms around him when he walks in. It is so hard playing it cool.
