Atlas So very sorry to hear things did not go well, OK, sucked.
Check out and get your bearings, or just come in here and talk to us, either way we support you my friend. It will be OK. You will be OK.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Aw, man. That sucks. I don't think you really messed up. You told you W how you feel and she ran like a frightened rabbit.
Get your medical issue under control and try not to think about this for a few days. Take a few steps back, breath, and decide what you want. Don't throw in the towel yet. At least 24 hour rule, if not 48 hour rule, on this one.
She's been so up and down, tomorrow she may be doing a 180 toward you.
Good luck on the job interview. I'm sure you'll be fine.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
After a night of sleeping on things I have come to the point that she is most likely going to file when FIL shows up in 2 weeks. I don't think I will file, I'll continue to hold out hope. Maybe she is right, maybe she needs to file to see how she feels after. She already says she misses me, doesn't have a hard time saying I love you, so I know something is there for her. But she can within 30 seconds tell me she is totally empty towards me.
Well I DB my best when she is resolved to not change, which is good, because I really need a pull back from the sitch and with her doing it on her own it won't appear that I'm running off. I'll be fine DB'ing while she is distant, but she doesn't want the 1 month no contact anymore either. I have problems when she peaks through the door and I chase her back to the castle.
I think I'll go buy something to remind me of that analogy in case she ever comes creeping back out. A necklace, watch, something to remind me while we are R talking.
She sent me a text late last night, didn't get it until the morning. Just said to call. I had to call anyway, I wasn't able to get her car insurance in place, why am I still helping her??? I planned on leaving a VM, it was early, but she had to know to not drive if she didn't need to. I woke her up and she wished me good luck on the job interview. ????
It hurts that she wants to be my friend so badly, but not my wife. I'm going to pick up though and do what I want, if she wants to come calling, fine. Until then, I'm my own man.
A Why are you helping her??? because its the right thing to do and you are a better man for it. Isnt that the goal too?
It is and you know it. Keep it up.
CVA
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Thanks, yoru right. She actually just called and was in a child care bind, which I would always help with, it is my boy after all. But I helped her out, and she was grateful.
Couldn't call her back, just can't do it. Sent her a text saying i did what I said I would. Get the thanks, i appreciate it, have a nice day. She was so nice on the phone too. Honestly, she isn't the play me for what she needs type and I don't think that is the case. But why so nice to me? I'm being DB'ed I swear.
It hurts that she wants to be my friend so badly, but not my wife. I'm going to pick up though and do what I want, if she wants to come calling, fine. Until then, I'm my own man.
Atlas, friendship is a good thing tho. I think they need to view us as a friend first before they could even think about coming back and stepping back into the M. It seems like in M, when it goes sour, that somewhere along the line that we stop thinking of our S as our best friend in the world and start viewing them as only a roommate. I think we need to get that "good" friendship back first above all things.
Me: 41 H: 39 D: 6 S: 4 M-14 T-16 first bomb: 5-12-07 (M dead doesn't really want to work things out.) second bomb: 6-4-2007 (found note he wrote about wanting desperately to be with OW and would have to give up everything) Kelley
Kindness begets kindness, period. At least you got a thank you. Not sure I have heard that for a deed I have done since this started other than a BS thanks for some menial task.
Chill for a bit my friend.
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Hi Atlas, Your doing great man. Keep doing what your doing. I think you just need to keep telling her that she needs to do what she needs to do. Do whatever you need to do to be happy. Afterall, thats what shes going to do anyway. Let her go file if she needs to. Some time just filing is such a relief to them that thats all they end up doing. It gives them back control if they feel they have been controled by their marriage. Keep it up man your doing everything u can do.
My w filed last week. She was so nice after. She let her guard down a little. For some reason they feel trapped by the marriage. Sometimes they cant start the healing process while they feel they are still married. Sometimes by filing they feel free. But, dont ever let her rush your decision. I told her over the weekend that I still need time to figure out what I need. I told her that I need a true seperation for at least 6 mons. before I can make my decision. So just because she files doesnt mean its the end.
Isn't your W a counseller? She may well be. Wouldn't that be ironic.
You're doing extremely well. I've not ever had to deal with the daily up and down that you have, but you're doing great. From what it sounds like, a few months ago, your anger would have been out of control. You'd be trying to control your W and you probably would've gotten drunk.
Dude, give yourself a pat on the back and stop being so hard on yourself.
It will get better,
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Hey Atlas, Some good advice you've already gotten on the latest events of your rollercoaster ride. Kelley's roommate statemnet really hit home. My W told me during teh bomb that she didn;t want a roommate. I really think my just being her friend has let her drop her guard and open back up a bit. We're able to talk openly about our lives. I've been avoiding teh R talks, and this really has made her more comfortable. Being your W's friend is so the right thing to do. I know if my W says she is still wanting a D, it will be so much harder to do this. But, it's about changing your REACTIONS as much as your actions. How have you responded to her each time she says she wants/needs to file? How has that worked for you? A bit cheeseless? Now thsi is going to be really easy for me to say to you vs. if the roles were reversed, I can only imaging how hard thsi is for you. Think about saying something along these lines next she goes into the filing stuff: "Well, I can't discount your feelings on this. I do not agree, but I respect the way you feel. You have to do what's best for you. Please understand that I can not file jointly with you,I still feel we can work. I am going to take longer to agree to a divorce, but I will not harbor any ill will towards you for doing it. We just aren't on the same page." I'm thinking out loud here, but I am wondering if this will give her control? Maybe it's time she sees just an inkling of acceptance by you that she might be right. Of course, she's not, but tell us that...not her! LOL I know you will find the answers.
Me 32 WAW 30 D Bomb 7/9 Separated 7/15 Reiterated bomb 8/12 PA 8/21 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1198643