Don't want our family to break up, don't want to leave... it's all being dictated by her.
Peter - I don't know your sitch and I'm not going to pretent that I do...but this line stuck out to me. Please understand that you are 100% correct in that it is being dictated by her and it will continue to be. You have no control over what she does or what she says. She will make those choices for herself. If she wants to beat you up over paying off some debt..so be it. Should you have lied? No..but you did. So own it and do your best to move forward from it. That is really all you can do. As my friend says - "It's not if you screw up, we all do. It is what you do to try and make up for it that counts."
But back to my point - one of the biggest lessons I have learned from all of this is to control what you can and let go of what you can't. And both of those are equally important. You don't want to lay down. If there is something within your control...take charge of it. But be wise enough to know what is not within your control and let those things go. You will only drive yourself crazy and make yourself look bad by trying to control those things.
