Lessons from a former WAS

[thegoodfight]

w8ing,

Hi, obviously it is hard to say exactly why your H. is feeling the way he is. However if in MC it is clear the problems lie mostly on his shoulders, but little I am guessing has been discussed as to how to fix them. We haven't been to MC yet, but I am pretty sure I would not want it to turn into identifying every problem with each other rather than and exchange of things that could change to improve the relationship.

Too often in life (work and in relationships) we focus on who is to blame for a mistake or error rather than how do we (as a team) fix the problem! If one were to approach challenges with this type of attitude I suspect more people would have success with improving their relationships and problems would not seem nearly as large.

As for your question, I did not feel gutted, but I did feel completely responsible and I knew she felt that way also. It was all my fault. It was not until I realized on my own that it wasn't all my fault, but I should take responsibility for my part that I started to be able to change my thoughts and actions. Hope this helps you and H. with the question! I think if I were you I would approach it as lets not focus on who is to blame because we both contributed to this, but rather focus on what we can do to make things better, one way or another. Hopefully that will take the pressure off and buy time.