If Mrs. HD's whole premise is that you are selfish, and she has not been able to deter you so far from taking the trip, then she has to up the stakes. She has to create a situation such that if-- in the face of whatever-it-is-- you still decide to go, you will prove that you are selfish.
MrsHD can accuse HD of anything she wants, and will probably do so. Whether he goes or not, or whether the tickets are non-refundable or not, will not change that. Furthermore, she can only up the stakes if he is willing to play that game. Just what is it that she is going to do? Cut him off from sex? Take away control of the finances? Come on, there is NOTHING she can do to him that she hasn't already done.
I agree that she will not change her mind, and that she will not want him to go. I think it is uncertain whether she will sabotage his trip, but I think she will accuse him, as you say. But I believe it is VERY IMPORTANT for her to make those accusations, for she will paint herself into a corner. HD needs to learn how to work her accusations against her, and the way to do that is by being direct and honest, about his feelings and hers, while maintaining steady and consistent boundaries.
That conversation Lou posted in italics on page 6 is a good example of how this should go. Notice how the wife tries to deflect the focus off her time and time again and turn it around on the H. He consistently brings it back to his desire for her, a fact she never refutes. She wants his desire because it comforts her, but she cannot bring herself to openly admit to that. She is on the hot seat and he does not let her off. This is a way to rattle her cage. It does not have to be confrontational or argumentative, but there needs to be a certain level of assertiveness to it. I suggest everyone study the flow of the conversation very carefully. I have used very similar methods on my wife and it is quite effective.
