Well today with H coming over to watch the kids so I could go to therapy went pretty good. We had a nice talk, no R talk at all. I was upbeat and acted as if. I got a hug out of him, and that was nice. Not really sure what it meant, but trying not to read into it to much.
He had to go leave to go deal with OW drama. Apparently she is evicting her ex out of her house, since he will not leave on her own. I told H that maybe OW should handle it on his own, and maybe it wasn't his place to get involved. But I think one of the attractions to this OW is that he is rescuing her from her evil bad ex.
its ok, another day. Spoke with H about some financial stuff, he owes me money and of course does not have it all. He did not overspend he just miscalculated. Whatever, he forgets I can log into the online banking and see where his money went. Of course I dont say a word, just try to stay positive, etc. I can live without all the money right now, so that is ok.
The washing machine broke again today (one of the arms on the drum comes off when it gets out of balance to much). Texted H and he showed up and fixed it, he had just gotten off work and needed to come by the house to get his air compressor anyways.
Spoke with a lawyer today and realized I do not have the money to go that route yet, but the L told me that I can go down to the courthouse and they have family law facilitators that will help me with filing. Found out that I can file the CS and the custody paperwork without doing the disolution paperwork. So probably will do that Thursday when H has the kids if I can squeeze it in. He confirmed with me that H is giving me way more in CS that he is required by the state and confirmed it would be in my best interest to get the agreement in writing through the courts to protect me and the kids. Not sure what I will tell H when he asks why I didn't just file for divorce too. Hoping he just figures it is part of the process. He is not one to get into finding out about it.
But been thinking all day if maybe LRT and 180 will not work with him, that he has made up his mind, and he is the kind to not change it, no matter what. So even if he realizes what he is doing is wrong and not what he wants, he will stay in it, just because. Sometimes I think maybe I should just file the divorce, maybe that would wake him up? Honestly I feel silly sometimes not doing anything. It would be one thing if he was still here, but he is out of the house, making a life with her. He makes a point of bringing her up, and talking about what they are both doing every time I see him. I try not to let it bother me, but it does.
Sorry to hear it is not going so well, IF you don't really want a divorce. Let your H file. As long as you and you kids are protected. Like he does not clean out your bank account. Time is free.
You said "He makes a point of bringing her up, and talking about what they are both doing every time I see him. I try not to let it bother me, but it does. " It is good that you can show no reaction even though I know it must hurt. Maybe we need other to chime in on this But I think It would not be unreasonable to CALMLY Just mater of fact let him know that you would prefer not to hear about what he and the OW did. And leave it at that. Try not to show any emotion either anger or hurt. I think he is really being an A$$ hole to rub it in. Maybe he is testing you for a reaction. Maybe he is looking for acceptance. But I think it you are uncomfortable with it you should let him know. If you don't then it will validate was he is doing is OK.
Please Yoyo, Olive Theo what do you peeps think husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Husband, I have asked him on several occasions calmly. I asked him once, can you figure out how to tell me something without telling me something. In that instance, he had told me he was not going to be available, and made a point of telling me he was going to be with her. I told him, he could have just told me he was busy, and I would not have asked any further. He didn't need to volunteer that information. He agreed. Yet he is still doing it?
Today when he came over, it was as simple as he was picking up the air compressor. I asked if he had the other parts he would need for it, such as the adaptors etc, and he said, don't worry she does. Well he could have very easily, just said yes, thank you.
My therapist thinks I should sit down and tell him that I am not happy with what he is doing and that I do not accept it. But because of our children I have to not act as if it bothers me for the sake of them. I had tried that once before and he immediately became defensive and angry and accused me of the being the same "controlling, manipulative person" i have been for twelve years. I want to avoid that angry person, and I feel like what I have done so far has been some process, but I also many times feel like I am being walked all over, because I feel like he thinks I am ok with it.
My friend says I should write a letter, but I am so terrified of making the wrong move, that I just don't do anything?
I would love to hear what others have to think about this?
I know what you mean. Although I don't think I have an OM to worry about at this time. I am afraid to ask. I don't want to "Up set the boat". I do agree though some how ya need to get through to him that you are NOT ok with this. Something that may help you. I have a feeling that you might take things to personal. I to have this problem. Some times our spouses just say stuff not rally meaning anything and we take it personal. The example of the accessories for the air compressor is a good example. He just raddled it off. Not thinking not meaning anything. Something like that ya need to let go. Now if he came over and said something like “me and the OW went to the movies and then out dancing. That is rubbing it in and not called for.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Husband, yeah you are right, I am just ultra sensitive to her being brought up period. He probably doesn't mean anything by it and I need to not let it get to me.
I am still trying to figure out the best way to let him know that I am not ok with this, and I may just sit down over the next week and try to draft a letter that addresses just that. I also have been wanting to talk to him about my concerns with how the children are dealing with this all. Since I see them more then him, I am seeing things that I do not think he is aware of. I do not want to draft it in a way to make him feel at fault, but more in the way of he is a partner is raising them, and I need his help in helping them through this and find out what his ideas and thoughts are. Possibly maybe something like that will get him thinking about what his decisions really mean for the family as a unit? I dont know if he is ready for that, but it may just make me feel better?
