It is finally out, he wants a D

[HSSweetheart]

First, sorry. I didn't realize you responded, my bad. My blog was not in response, it was just a general one.

Ok, to respond. Perhaps I don't always state everything that goes on. We have talked about the sex thing. The only valid answer I get is that it is wrong. He says because of the situation. So I did agree and now do whatever he wants. If he wants to fine, if not fine. Even if I disagree. So that is up to him at this point. And lately he hasn't been guilty. I knew from the beginning that alone won't change things.(Last night he initiated) I do not say no.

Yes, I will be ok when he leaves, after last time I know that about myself. But it doesn't mean I will like it. Stupid statement I guess, no one likes it. I guess treating him like a king will not make him stay, I am not that gullible. But what should I do act like a bitch? Sorta caught there. And that would be a 180 for me not to do the things I do, it is who I am. Maybe I exagerate in saying I get nothing. Obviously I get something. Some bit of happiness. We do have fun together-at least I do. I do try to listen, though some things are hard. But do I really have to listen to him tell me what kind of guy I should get next and stuff like that??? I hate that, it only brings me down. Why should we have to talk about this terrible thing every day? They'll be time enough for that. And I must say my efforts don't totally go unnoticed, he thanks me for his massages and at times says he doesn't deserve them from me. I don't even respond to that. I tell him I don't do it because I am looking for anything, including reciprocation, it is just because I want to. I do it to the kids at times as well.

And one thing I did tell my group. They asked if I would take him back after he leaves. I honestly don't know. But if I did there would be rules. He would have to agree to counselling, first and foremost. With his personality, as soon as I said it would be under rules he would say forget it. He is one of those rule haters. Hates being told what to do, has always done the opposite no matter what.

Pls help me if you would, I do appreciate your input.