I'm not really sure and it is pretty crazy making. I think it is cyclical to a certain extent, all of us feel hornier mid-month. Some of the HD men post here to say that that is the only time they get any, so even LD women feel hornier then. I would say it is a combination of that and of a push-me pull-you dynamic. Like you want more of what you can't have and less of what you can have. Lately I have found that a combination of being very open about how I am feeling and being sure to make it so my H doesn't take it personally and being willing to step up to the plate when I am not in the mood works pretty well. When I'm not really in the mood I am open about that too and just let H know that I am more than willing to give him a good time - no strings.
Even I have faked orgasm. But that has been a very recent development and definitely not a step to be taken lightly. It is something I am very thankful I never got in the habit of doing when I was young. My sister endured a 15 year R with a man who never made her O because she fell into the trap of faking early on to please him.
The reason I have done it (once) recently was because I felt I was just genuinely all O'd out (having had about a week straight of hot monkey sex) and it was just a kind of empathic reaction to his O. Like when you laugh at a joke you don't get because everyone else is laughing.
I think the only cure is acceptance, acceptance that some days you're in the mood and some days you're not. And that goes for both partners. Accept your own feelings, accept their feelings and don't take it personally.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
