oh yeah, we've moved 4 times in 5 years. trust me, we've got the move thing down. in fact, we were only supposed to come back to boston for 2 years. over the winter, he even changed is availability to global...were really hoping england for a couple of years.
I am assuming the worst, aren't I? I guess because I see zero changes in him towards me...they are all away from me. every single one. and I guess I'm just trying to get it drummed into my rather thick head.
anyway, thanks. off to think about something OTHER than him/us.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I try to use email when possible to convey a message. Not only does it help to avoid conflict, but it's a great tool for avoiding confusion. Don't know about your H, but important details (time, places, and events) go in one ear and out the other with my stbx. She's a great planner, but a poor listener. She can just go over my emails if she can't remember specifics about visitation or finances.
My stbx and I seldom have conflict anymore. It's pretty much all business now a days, but I do remember a lot of emailing in the beginning to take the edge off. If it feels more comfortable for you, go with it!
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
thanks, atgo. yep, thinking e-mail is the way to go. we'll see how long it lasts/how it goes. it definitely takes the emotional edge off. I don't have to hear his voice, can step back a bit and answer/ask stuff on my own time, and lets not underestimate editing! very nice to be able to type something out, check it out, delete half, then send on. kind of a "measure twice, cut once" rule for communication.
on a sidenote, I know stbx means soon to be ex, but for some reason my brain always reads it as, stupid ex. lol. not sure why, there is no b in stupid ex, but that's where I go.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
roflol, okay, here's a thought. we got a halloween catalog in the mail that s5 has been pouring over. now, I'm a holiday nut, just love them, would celebrate the opening of a book if given a chance. fun to see my son getting into halloween, he was especially taken with some fake gravestones for outside, you know, the kind like the haunted mansion at disney has. I started composing some in my head...one for my failed marriage. yes, I know that would be wrong, but talk about making lemonade out of lemons, it actually made me smile.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
breathing in, breathing out, breating in, breathing out.
h just called to say goodnight to the kids. he was in a really good mood...really chatty, mostly kid stories he didn't tell me from the weekend. I asked if he decided about the job, and that is when he told me he was on his way to his boss's house to give his notice. I asked if he had let the other company know, and he had. all this, but me having to ask it. nice. I told him to let me know how it goes...I have no idea why, just curious I guess. more like, just used to being part of big things in his life. he told me he'd talk to me tomorrow. so he can't even give me a call after he talks to his boss? again, nice.
I know, I know, I need to move on, but damn. I'm sure he is going out to celebrate with OW tonight. part of me is tempted to call his mom's later to see how it went, but I won't, because I already know in my heart he won't be there.
just another fun filled reminder that I am no longer a part of his life, except as a previous aquaintance. oh, and the mother of his children.
sorry to be such a downer. I think the flux in my life is scary enough for me, that adding this change, which is a big one, freaks me out.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
lol, thanks for that...I worked in a movie theatre the summer karate kid came out, and I swear I saw it a thousand times (lots of down time back then, only 2 theatres in the cinema and all that).
how will the new job affect me? well, we'll need to outlay some cash right off the bat (for instance, he'll need a car, since he has a company one right now). not something I was expecting and it would be better if we could wait until september, but can't be helped. the money is better with this job...base is about 10% more, total package about 50% more than he currently makes, so I suppose that is good (again, we'll have some additional expenses, too). and I'm a little freaked about it working out...its a really different job for him, and what if it doesn't? I'll be screwed, he'll be income free, how will we support out kids, etc, etc, etc.
honestly, the real, or at least immediate, way it affects me is that I'm no part of it. none. I don't get to celebrate with him, I don't get to show how proud I am of him, none of it. I am now an afterthought...she gets to plan/partake in the celebration (oh, and trust me, my vivid imagination has it down pat). this is the first big event of our lives, since we've known each other, over 13 years, that will be like this. yeah, I know there will be many more to come, but oh how it hurts.
on a sidenote, hey, nice perk with the new job, btw, he gets their luxury box at fenway 2x a year...think he'll let me have one of those days...just me and 17 of my closest friends? lol. yeah, I didn't think so, either. wonder if I could sweet talk a judge into writing it in to the divorce decree?
okay, one more hour till the kids are in bed, then I think I'm going to draw a hot bath and light some candles and just find myself again. his successes are his successes...I need to create some of my own, and let go of my part in his. I used to be his biggest cheerleader. obviously, he's confident enough now. my part is over.
Last edited by morgan; 08/06/0710:05 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
My stbx got a new job back in June. She's been looking endlessly for the past two years when she finally landed this one. She told me one of the reasons she was so unhappy with her life was because of her job. I was a huge encouragement for her from the beginning and even authored her resume at her request. Helped her distribute it and even told her where to mail it for the Job she did eventually accept.
When she got the job, I was the first one she called to announce it, but it was her girlfriend that she went out with to celebrate. That was only because her OM is in prison though.
I didn't feel bad, but I did think of how we use to celebrate personal accomplishments (hers or mine) together in the past. Guess that's just one of those things we realize we've lost when they come up. There will probably be more reminders in the future.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
well that sucks, atgo. seriously. nice of her, really, and her om sounds like a real winner.
so it didn't choke you up at all? because I just had a good cry over it. I guess its just another step to the inevitable, though, another concrete example as to his thoughts/intentions. my therapist keeps saying that...stop listening to what he says/doesn't say, and just look at the concrete.
thanks for the support, I really do appreciate it.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Some of the meetups are just kind of generally social groups, which might be a good start for you. I was just looking at Boston and holy cow, there are a lot of groups!!
I know you have some DBers that are in your area, too. I can't remember who, but there was a get together in Boston last year. You might look through the Just For Fun section and see if you can locate any of them (or I'll do that if I have time later, but have a pretty hectic week coming up).
As for meetup - here are some links that might get you started. You might want to set up an email address just for meetup stuff, if you can. You can end up getting a lot of email from there.
You'll have to register before you can get to the details of any of the groups, so I'd do that first here: http://www.meetup.com/register/
Then take a look at these:
Newest and Largest groups: http://www.meetup.com/cities/us/ma/boston/newest/ Bigger isn't necessarily better (don't we all know THAT!) - but a lot of times the bigger groups are also the most active, so this is a good place to look. Newest can be fun to get in a group from the "ground up" - but a lot of them fizzle out, too, so I'd start with an established one.
30 and 40 Something's Social Networking http://socialnetwork.meetup.com/422/ and here's their calendar: http://socialnetwork.meetup.com/422/calendar/ Started out as a singles group but is now just a "go out and have fun" group - says specifically it's NOT a dating thing. Looks like they are very highly rated by the members. I'd definitely try this one out! You can click on any of the events to get more information about it, see who's signed up, etc.
Night Life (if you're into the club thing at all) http://nightlife.meetup.com/29/ They have a new member one this weekend - lounging and Tapas... looks fun!
Girls' night out: http://nightlife.meetup.com/138/ Looks like they have a good variety. This one's "private" so you'll have to drop the organizer a note before you can sign up.
Sep/D. Support: http://divorcesupport.meetup.com/249/ .. if you're ready. If not, hold onto this one for later. Looks like they do a lot of social type events too, so that might be fun.
I forgot to mention - don't be afraid to hit the "sign up for this meetup" button! It doesn't commit you to an event, it just puts you on the list for that particular group, and lets you see their message boards, photos, etc. It can help you get a feel for a group before signing up for anything. You aren't signed up for a specific event until you go to the calendar and RSVP Yes.
Once you get more specific on your interests you can look those up too, but this should be a good start I hope.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
