Well, I have to agree with KAW. I think our Ses don't want to face the fact that they've inflicted great pain upon us. They don't want to face the guilt, etc. I know my W simply likes to think that I'm floating through this thing pretty well without too many bumps. When does she acknowledge my pain? When I happen to mention that I'm hurting. She NEVER just comes out and says that she's sorry...but she has already any number of times...in tears. So, what good does it do for me to keep having her relive her guilt when I know she already has it?
Just because our Ses don't say anything doesn't mean they don't feel guilty. Talking about it just makes it worse...
LL, I have asked my W what she needs so we can try and work things out. I'm pretty much met with a roadblock here because she has as much said that I'm doing pretty much everything that she could want. When we went over our exercises in the "After the Affair" book I tried to identify what I could do for her, and she had VERY little to add. My list you ask? Well, like yours would be, mine was quite large.
I bet when your H responds that he doesn't know his needs, he's probably pretty happy with the things you do for him. Maybe he just doesn't have too many complaints? At this point, I know my W doesn't. It's frustrating for us because we want to "fix." We can't fix them, though, as they need to fix themselves. We're pretty much helpless here.
