Now remember not to help H with any of the D. If he wants it he has to do the work, all of the work.
I wish it was that easy. Right now I feel like I need to accept the D in order to get on with my life. I agreed to file because I was the one with a lawyer. In my heart I know I have tried my best!!!! Now I need to look out for D16 and me.
Goals? What do I like to do? It's been way too long since I have concentrated on myself. My life has been centered around H and D16. My overall goals have been to declutter the house, exercise, and to find a new job. I have been inconsistent with the first two. Still looking for a job.
I know I need to find some goals to bring ME happiness! I have thought of playing the piano again(took lessons when I was a kid), something to do with photography, scrapbooking?????
I wonder if you could get separate mainteance agreement without having to file.I have the paperwork I just have to finish filling it out. My H filed for divorce. I didn't file for divorce because I kept hoping he would change his mind and then #2 if he wanted it I wanted him to pay the legal fees. My lawyer put this stipulation in it when she answered the letter from his lawyer. Check with your lawyer about the separate maintenace.
I understand what are you saying that you feel you need to get divorced so that you can move on with your life. Even though I still love my H and wish with all my heart we could work it out, at this time I just don't see that's possible. We've been separated over 9 months now and he has filed and he's still with OW, so I think it's time to move on. I want the oppurtunity to live my life for me. If I meet someone nice I don't want to have to worry about bringing them into this mess.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
When H moved out in April he seemed so depressed and I thought he would change his mind about us once he had time alone. I was actually worried about his state of mind! His "friend" I was worried about has now become the ow (I know for sure!). If she wasn't in his life I think I would have more reason to wait it out. When I first found this board H was having an on again/off again EA/?PA with someone else. It was different then because he would tell me he was afraid he was making the biggest mistake in his life. It seemed like a true addiction to this ow. He seemed like he cared about me then, but had trouble leaving the other R because she was very needy. We actually started communicating better and I had high hopes for a better marriage. I was waiting out his MLC.
Two recent things have made me realize he has changed (or maybe it's me opening my eyes):
1. While we were on the boat the other day we drove past his cousin's house. They are not close (they see each other only every 5-10 years) and all he could say after we pulled away was "She gained so much weight. She used to be so beautiful. I can't believe she let herself go like that." He is SO SURFACE ORIENTED! The part that amazed me was that she remembered D16's name after only seeing her once or twice. She asked about his mother. H only commented about his cousin's appearance and how rich she was.
2. Yesterday he came by the house before our friends left and asked what I had planned for the rest of the day. I said his mother had called earlier and she asked me to call back after they left. Twice he asked if I had called his mother yet. WHY DIDN'T HE CALL HIS MOTHER????? He is selfish with his time. I do more for his mother than he does!!!
So, we have such different values! I think there has been too much damage done to repair our marriage. I don't trust him any more. I still care about him and wish it would be different, but I have lost hope.
I am also trying to value myself more!!!! I don't want/need a H who is so surface oriented (My heart should be rated higher than my housekeeping skills or my appearance).
On a more positive note: had to call H about a situation with D16. He actually called me back right away and we agreed on our plan. It's nice we can still be together on parenting issues. Right now D16 and her BF think dad is cool. Mom is "way not cool" (i.e. too restrictive).
[/quote]Right now D16 and her BF think dad is cool. Mom is "way not cool" (i.e. too restrictive). [quote]
Matilda
I think this happens most of the time when the absent parent has all the time in the world do be there childrens friend, because they don't have to be there parent- persay.
You sound good. Very independent!
My thread locked and im'e trying to figure out is I should move to piecing or stay a while longer.
I was hoping I wouldn't feel I had to be here by the time a thread locked. Oh well.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
