(1) I can't change my personality (not that I was asking him to)
(2) maybe we aren't compatible
(3) maybe we shouldn't be together
(4) maybe I can't give you what you need emotionally
(5) I can't fix what you were lacking in your childhood
(6) maybe you need to fix something inside of you but that has nothing to do with me
You want your H to hear what you are saying. I suggest you spend some time REALLY trying to hear what HE is saying with these statements. I'm not suggesting you share your thoughts with him right away... but go off by yourself, get your journal, and look at each one of these statements. Get out the list of feelings and see how you feel about each one. For a moment, as an experiment, adopt the premise (ONE AT A TIME- not all at once) that each one of them is true? How do you feel?
I do get the impression that a big chunk of this is about fixing him. Now don't YOU get defensive on me. It's one thing to say "well, I know I'm not perfect," and then to rush on to another topic. You know you're not perfect, but you feel you're "good enough," right?
Really look at your part in this. NOT to blame yourself or feel bad, but just because YOUR part is the only part you can change.
Have you gone to Byron Katie's site http://www.thework.com and listened to some of her dialogues with clients? They're real eyeopeners.
Your sitch may not be fixable, BUT you have a great therapist, a husband who (for now) is willing to work-- are you willing to delve as deeply into yourself as you're making him do?
How about the next time you go to the therapist, ask the therapist for this one session to focus totally on YOU, to take your H out of the spotlight, balance the scales a bit, and let him see you in the spotlight?
What would it mean for YOU to go WAAAAY outside your comfort zone? For the moment, stop thinking about HIM and how HE needs to go outside his... what about you?
