It's been a rough few days. Very pessimistic towards my R. I don't want it any more. I don't want to be with her any more. She is hateful, obstinate and self-centered.
Not only do I not want to do this any longer, I can't.
She kited 2 checks yesterday to pay her way to a music festival with her single friends.
She is abusive, irresponsible and completely out of touch with reality.
I do feel guilt and pain for what this is doing to my children.
I feel guilt because once I was in the inspiration column here.
I feel guilty and foolish because as recently as a few months ago I posted so many positives here, I was so gullible, I thought she was actually trying. The entire time she was carrying on a EA/PA.
I have to walk away. I value my children. I valued my marriage. At this point, I have to value me enough to do as Sven recommended once, put on my own oxygen mask first, so I can take care of my children to the best of my ability.
Being a fantastic father is a N.U.T.
Being married is a condition, that I can compromise without violating a N.U.T.
I don't know if that made sense. I've thought a lot about it. Another way of putting it would be, I value being a great dad more than I value this marriage. I don't need one to make the other possible.
