Frustrated and Saddened #2

[stewart10]

WAW:

I think you are putting to much pressure on yourself! Your M is not the pilar holding up the world of M's.

You are right. Just "center of the world" thinking on my part. I'll try and curb it a bit.

Every couple has problems. Some couples are better at hiding their problems from others and some really lucky ones, like me & my H are a really good at hiding the problems from ourselves...Does that mean that either couple is anymore likely to make it work?

I could have written this...my H could have written this. We were always looked at by others as having an ideal M because we didn't have "problems". Even we thought we had a better M than others for a while cause we never fought or agrued.

I suspect that most couples on this site could have written this. Thanks for putting how common these problems are into perspective.

Is is possible that you did/do have problems that you didn't want to see at the time?

Most likely, as I doubt we would have got to this point if I had my eyes open a little wider. Just never thought I would have to try sooo hard to have my W love me. It is almost surreal at this point. Almost like this is one gigantic horrible dream that I just can't seem to wake up from. The reality of the situation has not really hit me I guess. I suppose I have had some low points where reality sets in, but it has not been consistent.

As a WAW I have to point out that your W will certainly disagree with the "no problems" line of thinking. In order for you to get your M back on track you will have to admit that your M had/has problems, determine what they are and start to deal with them.

You are probably right here. The problem is she has not really expressed anything other than that she feels I was too controlling and also drank too much. Both of these things never seemed to be an issue in the past. And now she is the one that is out drinking several times a week. I suspect, as do others, that these were simply the "excuse" for my W to use to justify her leaving. I suspect, as do others, that there may be someone else that is either already in the picture or very close to being in the picture which is the real reason for her wanting to leave. I honestly have changed the issues she expressed back in early April when she actually expressed to me what it was that made her so unhappy. She has since given me the typical lines "too little too late" blah blah blah blah. I obviously do not have this attitude when we are talking but I am sure most people have heard the same things. And it is scary but also telling to me that Michelle addresses in DR (on page 150-151)typical things that WAS's say when there is another person in the picture and I think I have heard 3 of the 5. I understand that in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter, but I think it makes the whole process a lot harder to work on the marriage if she is not being honest about where things are at.

Don't mean to be harsh but just giving you my nickels worth on this.

Please don't ever worry about being too harsh. I need to try and understand where she is coming from and although it may seem harsh, it is not taken that way at all, it is actually valuable information that is very helpful in my situation. You have been more help than you even know.