Last night he finally breezed in at 10:30pm. Grabbed up hampers of clothes/his pillows and other stuff. Was back out the door within 20 minutes.

He was obviously excited. I was obviously not. He told me that he had more stuff he was going to take and that he would come by sometime this week and that he would call before he came over. I said ok. Then he gave me a hug and little kiss on the lips and breezed back out the door. <sniff>

So much of his stuff is still here (stuff I know he will be back to get) that it sorta feels more like he is on an out of town trip. I am clinging on to the hope that he will change his mind. So, everytime I start to really freak out ("OMG. I am all alone. I'll never see him again. He's gone forever") I end up "soothing" myself with the elixir of hope.

I didn't end up going out (I wouldn't have stayed out that late anyway). Last night I thought I had big ideas about all the stuff I would be doing today. And now I am just feeling tired and overwhelmed..and stiffled. I like the security blanket of knowing he will be here soon, but I also hate it. It keeps me frozen in time. Guess I'll just have to break thru that.

Thanks for the thoughts Morgan. I wish you lived closer. Wish NikkiB and mkultra lived closer too.

Oldtimer said something important on one of Nikki's threads. The gist of it was time after time, the LBS makes huge strides in growth-growth that probably wouldn't have happened without the dramatic wake up call. I know this is true for me. The relationship had become very unbalanced. Having said that- there are things he could have done and I am not going to take the "blame" for everything. I am just recognizing that my self esteem needs work.


Me-43
H-46
M 12 yrs 7/09
T 15
2 grown kids
bomb 7/05/07
H moved out 8/04/07
11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling
Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D
End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing