PROxac When we talk about it she is usually like "I took that as a joke" or "I took that as a suggestion". When she said a “joke” that is purely ignoring the truth on her part, just another version of skirting the truth. She knows it wasn’t a joke. I cam understand the suggestion part.
If your W has an income, make her pay for half of the C sessions. People that pay out of their own pocket, listen better, do more, and are more involved. If your sessions are 3rd. party pay, then no one has to do anything. The financial motivation isn’t there. Both parties can sit on the ball till the clock runs out.
I realize that my sex drive has and probably always will be high The first thing I want you to change, is the thought that your SD is high. Thinking that way leads to you accepting less and less.
I want you to think your SD is normal and I want you to think being normal Is good.
The people on the forum have discussed male/female dynamics several times. Several of the women have said men over compensating and doing things to please them, above and beyond what is considered normal, actually lowered their SD. So by giving into your W’s limited SD, you are contributing to her low SD.
Repeat “My SD is normal and that is a good thing.”
So I am now at the point that I have lost all confidence and don't feel like doing any initiating or being "aggressive" as a result. Join the club that many of us have been in. Staying in the “lost confidence” state can lead to a D.
One poster “Chocolateeyes” was in that state for many years. His W wanted him to chase her, but not catch her. He quit chasing (pursuing) and she found someone else to have an affair with.
It might sound strange for a W that doesn’t like sex with her H, to find an OM to have an affair with. It happens a lot. It’s called W likes sex but not with her H. Believe me, it is a common feeling and validated by a couple of women posting on this and other web sites.
One woman said she had the perfect H, a perfect family, a perfect job, but she hated having sex with her H. She did have sex with her H but no desire or pleasure. She had the hots for some guy at work.
Same type of story for several men on another forum. They had the perfect life and work situation but couldn’t get it up when with the W. They could with the girlfriend.
What I want you to consider is don’t think all gender roles are rigid, men do this and women do that.
I feel as if my only options are to become a eunuch or find some drug that would kill my sex drive. Get off that train PROxac. Bring how you feel up in counseling. BYW, several men and some women wanted to take a pill to lower their SD. Bad thinking and bad move because once the SD is gone, so are other good parts of the M.
I have asked her if she would he happy if we never had sex again and her response was something like "There is no way for me to know that" Sounds like my W. BTDT.
That is just more lazy and non-committal talk. I bet if you were to say you were separating from her and going to live in your own house across town she would find an answer. I see a good percentage of the LD partners finding what they are willing to do after someone walks out or is about to walk out.
The extreme example was one poster (MJontheMend ) ended the M and told her H to leave. He left but didn’t mind the separation that much till she started to date, and then he was willing to do anything to get her back. Sorry too little, too late. Cadesmom34 was another poster that didn’t see the value or importance of sex in a M till her H gave her the speech. They worked things out and now are on the way to having a great M.
PROxac When we talk about it she is usually like "I took that as a joke" or "I took that as a suggestion". When she said a “joke” that is purely ignoring the truth on her part, just another version of skirting the truth. She knows it wasn’t a joke. I cam understand the suggestion part.
If your W has an income, make her pay for half of the C sessions. People that pay out of their own pocket, listen better, do more, and are more involved. If your sessions are 3rd. party pay, then no one has to do anything. The financial motivation isn’t there. Both parties can sit on the ball till the clock runs out.
I realize that my sex drive has and probably always will be high The first thing I want you to change, is the thought that your SD is high. Thinking that way leads to you accepting less and less.
I want you to think your SD is normal and I want you to think being normal Is good.
The people on the forum have discussed male/female dynamics several times. Several of the women have said men over compensating and doing things to please them, above and beyond what is considered normal, actually lowered their SD. So by giving into your W’s limited SD, you are contributing to her low SD.
Repeat “My SD is normal and that is a good thing.”
So I am now at the point that I have lost all confidence and don't feel like doing any initiating or being "aggressive" as a result. Join the club that many of us have been in. Staying in the “lost confidence” state can lead to a D.
One poster “Chocolateeyes” was in that state for many years. His W wanted him to chase her, but not catch her. He quit chasing (pursuing) and she found someone else to have an affair with.
It might sound strange for a W that doesn’t like sex with her H, to find an OM to have an affair with. It happens a lot. It’s called W likes sex but not with her H. Believe me, it is a common feeling and validated by a couple of women posting on this and other web sites.
One woman said she had the perfect H, a perfect family, a perfect job, but she hated having sex with her H. She did have sex with her H but no desire or pleasure. She had the hots for some guy at work.
Same type of story for several men on another forum. They had the perfect life and work situation but couldn’t get it up when with the W. They could with the girlfriend.
What I want you to consider is don’t think all gender roles are rigid, men do this and women do that.
I feel as if my only options are to become a eunuch or find some drug that would kill my sex drive. Get off that train PROxac. Bring how you feel up in counseling. BYW, several men and some women wanted to take a pill to lower their SD. Bad thinking and bad move because once the SD is gone, so are other good parts of the M.
I have asked her if she would he happy if we never had sex again and her response was something like "There is no way for me to know that" Sounds like my W. BTDT.
That is just more lazy and non-committal talk. I bet if you were to say you were separating from her and going to live in your own house across town she would find an answer. I see a good percentage of the LD partners finding what they are willing to do after someone walks out or is about to walk out.
The extreme example was one poster (MJontheMend ) ended the M and told her H to leave. He left but didn’t mind the separation that much till she started to date, and then he was willing to do anything to get her back. Sorry too little, too late. Cadesmom34 was another poster that didn’t see the value or importance of sex in a M till her H gave her the speech. They worked things out and now are on the way to having a great M.
The last 2 time we had it, she said it was good and that it was because I was more "aggressive" and "initiating" the last 3 or 4 times I tried to initiate and be more aggressive I got none. The changing moods and moving target. It is a common event. Someone wants sex to be new/different most of the time. You try to mix up things. Sometimes you get it right, Sometimes she thinks it is all wrong.
Ask her why this is and tell her you think it is unfair for for her to keep moving the target!
