Focus on being a whole person, for yourself, for your kids. That is your current task. Other things in your personal life will take care of themselves.
Again, the reality is your good days.
The bad days are you slipping back into enmeshment because it is a way of life you learned as a child. Those hurts are older than your R with H. The way you cope with those hurts masks your true self.
The good days are those without the masks.
So, of course it matters what is going with respect to love versus enmeshment. You can keep the love without holding onto the codependency.
The good days are those of independence.
Do not confuse reality and the future with being stuck in codependency. Codependency skews and distorts reality, it does not reflect it.
