I'm not sure what difference it makes at this point.
When I asked if he would be as devestated by ending it with CW as I am now, he said no, he would move on.
Maybe the intensity of my feelings of love, that I WOULD forgive him even after all of this, is scaring him. He simply said he doesn't hold the same feelings for me, and now I wonder if he ever has...it might have been better to leave him with the picture of me angry, moving on...
Regardless, I will not be contacting him. It may very well be the hardest thing that I ever do in my life, but it is also the only chance left, if it is there at all.
All I can hope is to be able to adjust to it.
I just want my family back. I hate this; I never wanted this life.
