Why should men marry (According to Deida)?

[haphazard]

I realise I'm coming late to this discussion but hope no-one minds me chipping in.

I feel Corri's comments are spot on when she points out they dynamic of a male that has had a happy childhood and is used to being nurtured coming into a R with a strong female used to nurturing.

Often that strong female will have had some dysfunctional aspect or some trauma in her own background, but this trauma may not necessarily have led to her being a dysfunctional adult. It may have strengthened her character and helped her grow as a person. If the man has not had the same type of experience then he will be a "child" to her "adult". I see that in myself, in Corri, in Mojo, in MrsHD and probably in Mrs Cemar, plus many others here. My own H's extreme toddler reaction to the birth of our son indicated his "child" status.

Everything Cemar ever writes about wanting a close sexual bond with his wife indicates a man who has not grown up since toddlerhood. He wants that feeling he had as a baby cradled in his mother's arms, that total immersion. Why is it a turn-off to a strong nurturing female to have to nurture a man as though he were a child. Why can she not find long-term sexual fulfilment in doing so? That is a very hard question to answer and the only way I can answer it is to say that sex isn't sex with a child. On Mojo's thread I made a post about chocolate brownies and about children licking off the frosting. Child-men do that, they just lick the frosting they never bite, or worse they want you to lick the frosting off of them. And if you say "bite me" they say eww. (I think LFL and Karen1 know what I'm talking about).

I hope everyone realises I use the term bite metaphorically.

There is of course some distress in the woman. There is some part of her that was traumatised and felt the need for a non-threatening child-man. A teddy-bear to cuddle up to. But that wears thin pretty quickly. The teddy-bear can be soothing for a while but she really needs another adult, a person for whom she feels respect. And the child-man does not need another mother, although that feels comforting at first, he resents her control and wants to be allowed to grow up.
If the child-man starts to assert himself the Mother-woman will often react in a knee-jerk mother type way and attempt to stop him (MrsHD) he will often react by having a toddler type tantrum. She then rolls her eyes and sucks in her breath wondering why she is always the one that has to be the adult around here. And so it goes.

Women in this position need to get out of their H's way, let him grow up, catch yourself everytime you are trying to stop him or allowing him not to. (Note to self: stop letting H sleep through every Sunday morning!)

Cemar: Grow up! You'll be glad you did.

Fran