You'll find astimegoeson (hint = ATGO) that you will start to meet single/divorced/separated people. Statistics make that an inevitable prospect. As long as you step out and make the initiative to meet new people, you'll start making single friends of both genders. That circle grows astimegoeson and even enriches your life with new experiences and interesting people.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
thanks nikki and atgo! nice to have the encouragement, it really is.
nikki, was it weird going to an event with people you don't know?
I actually belong to my local twins club, but tend to put off social events when they occur...my plan is, when it gets going again in september, to dive right in.
that's my plan, to keep reaching out to friends I have drifted away from, and to make new ones. to rediscover what I like to do, what my interests include, and to just go for it.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Morgan - yep, it's completely weird at first, but pushing through that fear is actually pretty exhilerating.
My first event was, believe it or not, a Valentine's day dinner with a singles/separated group. It wasn't a "dating" group, more of a "tired of sitting around waiting for the phone to ring" group - which is the only reason I was remotely OK with going. That was only about a month after H moved out. I was really afraid I was gonna be a wreck and was trying to find something to do, found out about this dinner, and with lots of encouragement from people here I went. There were probably 30-40 people there with the meetup group. And it was so much fun!!! I stood outside the place for probably 10 minutes just about to back out, finally took a deep breath and walked in - and it felt so good, to force myself to do that.
Sounds like a very good plan you have so far - it is great to check out meetup as part of the "new friends" side of things.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
that's my plan, to keep reaching out to friends I have drifted away from, and to make new ones. to rediscover what I like to do, what my interests include, and to just go for it.
That's exactly the right attitude and the right approach Morgan.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
nikki, that was very brave of you, and great job going in. I just checked out the site and I froze, literally, when it asked my interests. how sad is that? I scoped out all of them around the boston area...wow, there is a lot, I have no idea what I would do. I like the idea of one for recently separated/divorced people, but didn't see one like that.
I really do need to do some soul searching and remember what I like to do. amazing how much of myself I've lost to wife/mommyhood.
atgo (oh yeah, you are now atgo in my world), hope the attitude holds and I really do it. need to focus my baby step goals on trying to achieve it.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I know - it's kinda overwhelming at first. I bet there are TONS of groups in Boston. I've gotta run in a minute (for that Carribean BBQ meetup!) but I'll see if I can help narrow it down to some that look promising. From experience I kinda know what to look for or shy away from when picking groups. I don't know your interests, obviously, but I can at least try and find some groups for you to try.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
you are sweet, nikki. hope you have a blast at the bbq, sounds like fun!
I've been poking around the site for a bit, but its weird, I don't know...I don't think I'm ready for the divorced one, although they seem very active. I think even though I'm headed there, I'm not ready to be there, kwim?
funny, because I have no issue at all being here....you all make me feel very comfortable. in fact, if a bunch of you lived nearby, I'd say, lets meet up. but then again, maybe because being on the board lets you get to know someone without walking in blind? who knows.
I'm babbling here.
I really do need to figure out what I like to do...its something I'm working on with my therapist. I already belong to moms groups and nearly all my friends are moms, so probably something different. hmmm.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
okay, goals for today: I am actually really busy today with just regular life stuff, so that is good. going to set aside some time to work on my childhood journal (a think my therapist has me doing), start the book (the river within) that she gave me, make a few phone calls to set up some social stuff (mainly playdates and one girls night out) and will go thru some stuff in the basement.
doesn't seem like much, but those 4 things are really for me. obviously the first 3 things are, and the last thing is something I need to do if/when we divorce...I can't convince him to get the house ready for market or anything else that gives me comfort (hey, if we don't D, nothing wrong with a fresh coat of paint, right?), but the stuff in the basement is hanging over me and getting it done will make ME feel better regardless.
as for H, well, going to try to block him out a bit today. I don't see him on mondays, so shouldn't be too hard. he just called, and was really cold to me, but I acted friendly/upbeat and am moving on. not going to let it upset me. much.
off to the gym for a much needed workout. fingers crossed for a good day.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
back from the gym. h and I have been e-mailing...think its the perfect thing for us to do right now. just about the kids/changes in visitation that are coming up, and about the new job. think he's going to take it. he asked if I had any other thoughts on it, but honestly I think he/we have weighed everything. the only thing I mentioned was what if current company countered. he just wrote that the only thing that they could do was if they offered him a very specific promotion...exactly what I thought it would have to be. but he added another twist to it, it would have to be here in new england. so definitely not gonna happen, and really something that tells me where his mind is...ow can't leave the boston area due to custody of her son. well, don't expect the counter anyway, but boy was that just laid out for me.
not upset, really. didn't expect anything different. anyone take their relationship to e-mail? because I think we are best this way, at least for now. maybe someday, after all the hurt and anger fade, and time has marched on for a while, we can do the face to face stuff again. who knows.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Give yourself a break, will ya? Has H EVER said he wanted to move to another part of the country?
Yes, OW is here, but so are YOU and the KIDS. Don't assume the worst all the time.
Mike
PS as for email, do what works. I'm actually thinking of doing more email with XW because we can never seem to come out of a conversation with the same idea about what was decided. Removing the emotions from it would be a bonus, as well.
