Wife not interested

[PROxac]

She says "you can't fight biology"

I think that Pfizer Pharmaceuticals might have a different viewpoint. And so would just about every pharma and health professional, including mental health professionals.

I agree to a point for sure! So are there any recommendations on things we could try?

Yet I feel as if my only options are to become a eunuch or find some drug that would kill my sex drive.

Or perhaps you could ask her if she minded if you had sex with other women. Or perhaps you could divorce her. There are many options. Read some more of the threads.

She would def mind if I had sex with anyone but her. I would too. I have no interest in divorce for us. I want to avoid her ever possibly having any interest too!

We have had sex 3 or 4 times in the last 13 months (since our daughter was born). Before that it was not exactly that much more often! Maybe 5-10 times a year.

Then why did you marry her? Why did you have a child with her? Why do you expect anything different now? Didn't you say in your first paragraph that, although it dropped off in frequency, it was an "acceptable frequency" and remained so for the first year or so of marriage? You definitely need to nail down what an "acceptable frequency" is so that you don't present her with some sort of moving target that basically tells her she is constantly inadequate.

I married her because I love her. She married me for the same reason. We had a child because we felt it was time to do so (I actually wanted children as long as I can recall). I don't expect anything different now than it was a year afer we got married. But it IS different I am all for us nailing down what is "acceptable". For me it is almost anything more than the last 2 years (more than once a month?), for her it is never until she might one day want it?

I just don't get the total lack of desire for something that is enjoyable.

And that is why you fail. She doesn't 'get' your persistent desire to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you.

She says she does get it and that I am not abnormal

She is always tired or else has a long list of things to do, none of which are me.

Maybe you could pitch in and help her, but here's the key: you must do so without ANY EXPECTATION THAT SHE WILL REWARD YOU WITH SEX. And don't make the statement, "I'll do x, y and z, if you have sex with me." This kind of quid pro quo will kill and desire she might have for you. Just pitch in because it's the right thing to do, not to get something in return.

In the past I would have def been the QPQ type. Now I realize it is better to give than receive but that doesn't make it easy to never get any. I am the stay at home parent and I do a lot more around the house than I used to when we both worked full time. She still does quite a bit as well. I don't expect sex to be a reward, a "in return", or anything other than 2 people who love each other showing it.

You might want to prepare for a slow season.

I am already IN the slow season so I guess there is little else I can do to prepare