Just skimming your posts and something jumped out at me. We just happen to be at this section of the KLA tapes in the KLA group ...
Try to avoid "always" and "never" thinking!
(examples) I do not know h...never really did....
h always hid things from me
Maybe instead of looking for the rule, look for the exception - are there times when H didn't hide something ...?? I know how hard it is to look at the positives and not the negatives when things are going so wrong and you feel so horrible but I bet once you start looking for them, you'll see them.
As for the list of things H can do for you - does he know about this list?
I'm sorry for not being as familiar with your sitch as I should be but I'll throw out these questions anyways... have you told your H of your unhappiness? (I assume you have) Does your H know you're practically a WAW? Have you tried counselling?
You're right, you are a good person with a lot of great qualities - why don't you think you have those qualities in your R? What can you do to change that?
The dedication to the commitment you made is great - that you are staying with your H when you want so badly to leave. I know you don't feel love for your H right now but as we say over and over again... love is a decision and you made that decision! Love can grow again if the decision is there to let it do so.
