Trudging up hill

[ediemarie]

Sara - funny that you should say it wasn't good. He did comment that having sex with her was difficult - not emotionally - it just wasn't easy to accomplish. Guess she needs more practice? I don't know, it kinda made me think that he didn't completely enjoy the experience. I don't know how anyone could when they are cheating. But, what do I know about it??

Thank you for your encouragement. I'm finding it very difficult to be nice right now. My comments to him are down right nasty. I keep doing all the wrong things. I say the wrong things, act the wrong way.

I left this morning after he got up - I came to the library. I suggested that he read the section of DR that talks about infedelity. I left it on the kitchen table. I noted the section that says "if you are the one that is unfaitful" I'm hoping he will read it to gain an insight into what I am feeling/thinking. I really don't want him to necessarily take my comments to heart...I want him to hear my heart and how much it hurts - throwing barbs his way doesn't help, I should just be direct. I'm having such a difficult time being direct with him. It's almost like I'd rather hurt him than have him with me or have him understand me. I suppose this is just part of the rollercoaster ride part 2.

The next Retrouvaille weekend in our area is September 14th - I don't know if I'll be able to make it that long. Perhaps I should look for one in another area and travel to it...

Thanks for reading!
EM