Corri: The thing is, I am able to pay for the trip without using any money from the family budget - these are dollars that I have earned over and above any amounts I provide from salary plus some extra from my 2nd job. I mentioned that earlier, but maybe you missed it. Or, are you suggesting that I pay for the trip twice? Once, for the tickets and incidentals, and once, as some sort of token of contrition? (No way...corri would NEVER suggest that).
I did discuss the issue some more with W this weekend. It's still an issue of "selfishness" and feeling "taken advantage of" for her. And, I'm a little surprised at this: I pushed a little more on the idea that she feels I should spend more money on her, thinking it was just some sort of misunderstanding on my part, and, no, she said that it "would have been nice" if I'd bought her some jewelry, or arranged a trip for the two of us.
As far as the jewelry is concerned, it has been a while since I've bought her something nice, but mainly because she doesn't seem to want me spending money on her. And she has said that "gifts" is definitely not her LL. Maybe, though, it was that she didn't want me spending "our" money on her. Okay...point taken, processed, and filed for future reference. I think it's quite possible that another couple of months may have similar amounts of "extra money" and sure, I'd be happy to share that bounty with her in the way of a nice gift.
But the issue of the trip still remains. I asked her if it was just the money/selfishness issue, or if she would be upset if the cost was nominal, and I was just going away for a couple days (thinking about Nop's idea of camping on the cheap). She said, "if you were able to get some kind of deal on the airline tickets and they ended up costing you about $45 round trip, I wouldn't care. It's the fact that the first time you get some extra money, you spend it on yourself." A couple thoughts here. The airfare is about $200. So does that mean we're talking about $155? I mentioned this, and she said, what about food, beer, etc., while you're down there? Me: well, I'd still be eating food and drinking beer, even if I stayed home, so that's kind of a wash... W: but you'll be eating out, which you wouldn't be doing here...
And on and on. Nothing necessarily resolved, but I still intend to go. So she thinks I'm selfish. Maybe I am. Maybe I should have spent the money on other things/people. Maybe spending it on this trip/concert is a MISTAKE. If she's going to make this some sort of make or break deal (which I don't necessarily think she'll do, yet I'm prepared for the possibility), then so be it. Hairdog goes on a selfish trip...what an azzhole. I guess I am FLAWED. Maybe she won't love me anymore. Maybe she'll leave me.
Or maybe she won't. Maybe I'll have to endure the silent treatment for awhile, or her outbursts, but we'll get past it. And, maybe, there will even be some benefits to me going on the trip, beyond the fact that it's going to be great to see my friend and spend some time with him and hear some great music. At the very least, I'll be able to look at myself in the mirror and not feel like such a doormat...maybe even respect myself for doing something DIFFERENT and outside of my comfort zone. I doubt she'll share that feeling, but hey, stranger things have happened.
We also talked about the finances and I expressed my desire to be more involved/informed. She did not want to give up the "control" of the finances. Fine...I just want to understand where we are financially, and how we're doing. She reasserted that we're doing pretty well with regard to debt/income ratios and retirement savings. And college funds are also doing okay, in spite of the late start.
I finished the kitchen walls this weekend, too, so "yea me!"
All in all, the weekend went well. I still intend to go on the trip, and I'm fully aware that yet more sh!t may hit the fan, but I've been hit by feces before, and "I can handle it."
