I'm not sure why it bothers me so much that he doesn't respect me.
Well, the standarad answer is because you love him...but also...disrespect is bothersome. My Step Mother never respected my Stand. It bothered me, and the ONLY reason it bothered me less than you are no bothered is because I wasn't shown it--I rarely saw her...and when we did she kept it zipped...I knew her feelings, but heard officially through my Mom and called my Dad upset.
He constantly throws it in your face. The other reason is because you do not respect yourself...he won't until you do.
I also would have responded to his Text--though I imagine most would recommend against. "I didn't, seven-year-olds know how to make use locks on their own."
In texting a person can't KNOW if the recipient got the message...unless they respond/react. You could simply not respond to any texts...in any form and let hi know you ignore them...but better, can you block them. Tell since he is unable to communicate politely and appropriately, you won't accept texts. (Because they are one way)
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I am so worried about what he thinks of me that I let it control me.
I don't know if he will try to return someday. But I will say this with certaintiy...He will NOT ever try and will instead stay nasty (may not even come through the MLC Tunnel) if you don't take back your Self-respect, confidence and Personal Power.
He is weaker than you and lacks Self-Confidence. He is bolstering his lack by tearing you down...the sad thing is YOU ARE ALLOWING this tactic to work.
What makes you think he will erturn if he is always getting his way? Because that meets his needs? But does he want a doormat? MLCers will fight boundaries...but they want them, sometimes consciously...sometimes they are secretly wishing we would have boundaries.
If you believed in your Self you would not allow his abuse. You would tell him directly that he is being abusive, and it is inappropriate, and that his children may learn to model his disgusting parental examples.
Throw those projections back at hime. This isn't about DB'ing, it's about finding your Self again...and ironically that is waht you must do as a Standing DBer also--find your Self.
But I think we need to look at you and your motivations for allowing his behaviour against you. We say to accept the process...Accepting is not the same as allowing. Accepting that Sweetheart would project at me meant I didn't take it personally, and thatif necessary I tiold him his behaviour was unacceptable...called him on his sh*t. And I got thanked quite a bit for that.
I don't expect you will get thanked if you start that now...he won't like it because he is to accustomed to controllong yopu. He'll fight it, and at least initially, become more verbally aggressive...testing and more control attempts. This means you need to be strong enough to withstand more than you are experiencing now.
Has he always treated you this way? Has he always treated women this way?
Have men always treated you this way? Have men in your life treated other women this way? Tell us about your parents...How did they treat their children and each other?
You cognitively know that you allow his disrepect and control and need to take back your power. Knowing there is a problem may be the first step...but you need preofessional help with the next steps. You have been unable to stand up for yourself on your own. Find a therapist who can help you look back at YOU. We spend a bit too much time here looking at the MLCErs childhood to the neglect of our own.
What about your husband made you choose him--beyond you conscious surface reasons? What in him fits something you needed or experienced in childhood? Which of your parents is he like? Which are you like?
Are you seeing anyone? If not PLEASE start looking...today. This is not to help yopu get him back. It's to help you get YOU back...whether he returns or not.
