I just don't think things will ever change with h...h is who he is and doesn't seem to want to put in that extra effort...LL would have to have a major crisis a day to have h show her his love...but then what is love anyway...while h was "in love" with someone else...last year the first night that I put dd to bed without nursing her which would be the last time I ever nursed a baby...h was comforting and supportive said the right things etc...but then the next day probably went to lunch with his pathetic needy ow or at least called her. ugh!!!!
so last night in a nutshell...LL was up feeling possitive about "us" and then crash!!!
after the emotional overload of the earing incident...decided maybe we should just go to friendly's for dinner...so we did...went to the pet store with the kiddos while we waited for the food to come...had a nice time...on the ride home h talked a bit about some business issues..then we got home..he had to plug his truck in (cold) so I gave both kids a bath and put dd to bed...sat and watched a sesame street counting video with son h sat on the phone with "buddie" just shooting the [censored]...I put son to bed while h was still on the phone...h got off phone...watched tv (cnn) then h layed on couch and fell asleep...I watched tv for a bit then at 11 decided I was going up...sat on couch next to h and asked him if he wanted to sleep on the couch...he said yes...I put a blanket on him and asked if he needed to wake up anytime, if he wanted an alarm....no he said...so of to bed I went with my "bender" why should I go without just because h is lame!! when I woke h was in bed...h stayed in bed till 9 when he smelled the sausages...ate...went and took his shower and off to work he goes.
empty....very very empty....this isn't going to work...something HAS to change..and the only thing I can change at this point is to just decide to not love him anymore!!!
