Sofar and SD, I took your advice to heart and tried to put it into practice last night. Here's a bit of a summary for the weekend. We went to the state fair Saturday afternoon. I was hoping it would be good family memories and help to bring back good feelings. Don't think it had quite that affect. W seemed very distant. Kids were crazy. I left them at the fair to go to another party that evening. The party was a bit a pre-restaurant opening for my sister and BIL. Had a good time, played some beach volleyball and met some new people, but I was accutely aware that everyone there was a couple. Bothered me a bit not having W there.
On Sunday morning went mountain biking. Not sure that it really cleared my head. I was thinking about the R the whole time, but it was good to get out there in the woods. Spent the rest of the day home doing yardwork. W was doing stuff inside. Dinner was very good and then after putting the kids to bed, we watched TV together for a while.
Originally Posted By: sofaraway
She clearly wants you to listen to her. So do that. My suggestion, sit down with her, tell her you have been freaking out a bit, but you are finally hearing what she is saying. Tell her you wont ask her to read any books together anymore and you want to give her the time and space she needs to work through all of this.
One of the most succesful things I did with my wife was to tell her that I have a hard time with being in control. That I always fealt like I had to be driving the relationship car and in control. I told her that was wrong and that I was relinquishing the driving duties to her. I let her dictate the pace, what we do, and when.
I did just this just before we went to bed. Told her that I was sorry for pushing so hard to fix the relationship. That I hadn't really been listening to her needs for time and space, but that I understood now and would give that to her. Told her that our friendship meant so much to me and that I wanted her to feel comfortable just talking and that she could me anything. Left it at that.
I think she really appreciated this, so I'll see how this goes. This whole lack of intimacy / touching is just killing me. I just so acutely aware of how little we do touch now as compared to the past. Got two pecks on the lips this morning, but I so miss just a long, heartfelt hug.
Sofar, I see that you've been on the boards for a long time now. I need to go through your threads and figure out your situation, but was wondering if the DBing was successful in getting the R working again. Sometimes I wonder if this is the best way. I'll head to the bookstore today to find the 5 Languages.
