LOL IK, Please stop by next time you're in the area to see your sister
No No Nomo, I know him & he's not an IT guy, just one who's never been married & doesn't know what to expect (kinda like me, no?)
Still having refrigerator issues. Should have just bought a new one & not ruined all that food. Should have just D'ed the thing
I'm kind of looking forward to having a couple of weeks of freedom from dealing with H up close. Might be good to get a little distance for both of us.
Yesterday I went to my neighbors to watch their kids for a while & noticed a list of things to do to keep your marriage strong & bullet points for good communication. It was hand writen & posted on the frig (mine is bare, maybe that's the problem), & had things like "Go out at least once a week alone w/out kids, etc. They are so good about doing that...something to keep in mind in my next R, with or w/out H.
To tell the truth, I knew this stuff, just didn't really think it was that important. Changed my mind on that stuff in a big way!
Still having refrigerator issues. Should have just bought a new one & not ruined all that food. Should have just D'ed the thing
Have you tried the LRT? Not sure how much the fridge would care if you stopped talking to it, but maybe if it saw you GALing and going dark...maybe you could start chatting up the toaster and see if the fridge gets jealous...(okay, someone stop me - this is getting out of hand!)
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I'm kind of looking forward to having a couple of weeks of freedom from dealing with H up close. Might be good to get a little distance for both of us.
I don't know anything more draining than DBing - having to be constantly aware of every word, gesture, and interaction gets very tiring. It will probably be a nice rest for you.
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They are so good about doing that...something to keep in mind in my next R, with or w/out H.
It is so hard to get time to do this...I think about what this would be like all the time. It is hard to remember that what you don't actively tend to will probably die or at least get a little withered.
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
I don't know anything more draining than DBing - having to be constantly aware of every word, gesture, and interaction gets very tiring.
This struck me as something we are all dealing with and can relate to. I am sure a lot of us in the work world feel this as well, 1 misplaced word and you are toast. Just a thought. If we treated our Spouse with as much TLC as we do our work (keeping things in check, constantly aware of what we say) we would be better off in our R!
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
I'm trying to catch up on lots of threads and just wanted to let you know I'm around. So sorry about your 'fridge. Don't you wish you could just throw it out & start over w/a new one? One you don't have to spend so much time on & work so hard with to figure out the What's Wrong W/It, or Why, or How To Fix It stuff? Good for you for trying everything to keep it going (your way, the repairman's way etc) before you think of chunking it.
And good for you for concentrating on YOU, girl! PMA is everything. Whatcha doing that's fun?
j
PS - Not to hijack, but i'll be posting on my thread soon (if I can even find it, lol) that it's too lonely w/o my middle-of-the-night DB-friends to stay away entirely, and there's no reason I can't still offer my thoughts, support & encouragement for them & their sitchs.
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
Me: 45 - WAH: 36 S8; D6 M: 11 yrs 07/06 Initial Bomb 10/06; D Bomb 11/06 - DBing begun 1/5/07 - H moved out 03/16/07 To date: No papers filed; H not seen a L; trying to convince me to MUTUALLY file for D
Went out with a friend last night & had an excellent time. Stayed up until 3am talking after we came home. Woke up at 6am anyway. Guess I'm hard wired for it now.
Could also be b/c I woke up to such a strong premonition that there was no chance of going back to sleep.
I somehow knew H was with someone & I knew who it prolly was.
After he spent the night on Friday & we'd had a nice time at dinner(he invited me b/c I was standing there I think) & a walk on the pier w/ S4, watched TV a little with him sitting 5 ft away & acting grumpy, we retired to our rooms for the night. Big distance!
Next morning he was nicer, although he made it known again that he was leaving at 2pm and wouldn't have time to see S4 on Sunday before his 2 wk trip on Monday b/c he had to "pack". In all the time I've known him he has never begun packing that far ahead like that. At 2pm, he gave me the smallest peck on the cheek, said she you is a couple of weeks & left.
I made the decision after the premonition this morning that I was going to call him.
Called him around 1pm & his phone was turned off. He returned the call a couple of hours later & I could hear a womens voice near him when I listened to the call on VM.
He answered when I called back; I have a great PMA, upbeat & friendly.
H-"This is H" Like he's at his office & doesn't see my # on his cell. Me-"Hi, I was just calling to say that I know all about it. I can't say I'm surprised, just wish you would have been a little more up front about it. I'm feeling a bit disrespected"
A full 4-5 minutes of dead air. I was not going to say anything next.
H-"Alright" Me-"Well, it seems that you're moving on & I think we should set some different boundaries now, a more set schedule w/ S4, etc." H-" We already have a schedule" Me-"Not one that's going to work for us with the present circumstances." H-"I did not leave you for another women, I left b/c I have soooo much anger with you from our marriage." Me-"I understand, and want you to know that it's OK. If you want to be with her, then you should follow your heart. You deserve to be happy, you're a great guy! I'm a really strong person & if you want to file, I'll be OK. In fact, I'll be better than OK. I was just wanting to make sure that I had done everthing possible b/f I gave up on the M. I didn't want to break apart our family. D is a permanent step & to tell you the truth, I really enjoy your company." H-"I can't get myself to pull the trigger. I'm in a funny place right now. I didn't hide anything from you, I just didn't want to throw it in your face, just like you don't want to in mine. I figured your friend next door would tell you eventually anyway." Me-"Would you rather I filed, is that what you'd like?" H-"I just want to go on my trip tomorrow"...code for "I don't think so, or I don't want to think about it now" Me-"Well, we don't have to talk about any specifics right now, since you're out of town anyway, I'll prolly just be getting my ducks in a row though." H-"I don't think you need to get the ducks out right now." Me-"Gotcha, well, have an excellent trip & I'll talk to you when you call for S4." H-"Do me one favor please, call me if there's something w/ your dad(he has C 3-4months left), I'll come home immediately, you're going to need help. Me-"Thanks, I do have plenty of people here though. H-"I'm still your H, J, don't forget that." Me-"I'm still your W....don't forget that." small laughs
Funny, but I felt pretty good!
About 15 minutes later H is pulling up to the house un-announced. Says he forgot some back up equipment for his trip. Seemed very nervous, as if he expected someone was over. Maybe b/c he hadn't called & there were different cars out front. Friendlier than he has been in months. Comes over & hugs me tightly I says, "Don't think I don't care about you, b/c I really, really do." Me-"I know you do, take really good care of yourself on the trip & don't let anything happen to you." H-"I promise I will" Stay hugging a little longer. Big smile & he's out the door.
I think we just did the most bizarre breakup ever.
I still feel good though. I read on some thread here that it's good to expose an A to the light, get it out of the dark where it festers & grows. Just nice to know where I stand in any case.
(kinda like me, no?)
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