You are honestly thinking too much. I know I have over the last couple of days , last night I was realy missing my W and then started to think about everything and it was a downward spiral.
There is nothing to be gained at this stage by trying to analyse the past. There is even less point in trying to figure out the future. You have a Goal and thats great but you cant leap to it , you have to go in little steps.
Right now your H doesnt even figure in those steps you need to take now , that comes later.
Your steps now are all about you and working on yourself , See your C and tell her that you want to ignore your M for now and work on what you need to do to get your life back.
Take time to feel the sun on your back , to see your kids smile , Enjoy time with friends talking about things other than your R.
You can do this you have the strenght , I know you do.
