Surviving an Affair

[reecegirl]

I feel like Imay be rambling but want to vent a little....this started as a game to my H, meet women online and chat a little, get them to fall for him then move on to the next one, he says it started out as just an ego game for him, make hime feel wanted and needed. he started out as having no intentions of meeting any of them, just play mind games with them. One of the things that really fired me up is that he used photos of the car he bought for me (a porsche boxter) as a way to impress these women...MY CAR!!!!! I am an interioe designer and many photos of high end homes saved on my laptop for visual reference for clients, he used some of them as tools to impress as well trying to say they were his home. he would neglect our home and tasks we were working on together to spend his time online chatting, and if I ever said anything about him spending too much time online he said it was homework or he was online trading, to give me all the finer things in life....well what he did not realize is time with him was the "finer thigs in life" that I wanted. He usally works nights and I work days so we rarely had time to be in our bed at the same time.....the weekend before the bomb he had time off (weekends off are rare also) He told me for days how he was loking forward to being able to snuggle up with me at night, BUT that weekend he NEVER came to bed...I tried waking him form the sofa, with him just biting at me to leave him alone....one night he even went upatairs and fell alseep in our daughters room watching a movie with the kids....again biting at me when I asked him to come to bed. I feel it was a way to distance himself even more form me to prepare for his meeting of the Ow that he was planning....and that really fires me up!!!! How do I keep this anger from eating away at me.....I do not want it to consume me and make me hate him.......right now I am a long way form hating him...think at times it would be easier if I did hate him...maybe then it would not hurt so much.:(