lostlove, i had no idea where you were coming from... now i do...
the book, that P.O.C.? you know I was just trying to relay my ambivalence to picking up a book for my H? It turns out to be a piece of gold, not doodoo .
what it did for me, was to see and mourn for my lost friend. it helped me remember the smallest thing... how cute he was on our first date, and how endearing his request to kiss me on our first date was... "The Seven Pricipals for Making Marriages Work" I think is the title. It's not pushy. It doesn't make the "leaver" feel bad at all. It paves the way back to feeling good without making the leaver really feel anything about all the negativity. Other books were making me feel bad. OR, making me angry because, damnit, WHERE THE HECK WAS MY FRIEND??? WHAT'S THE POINT WITHOUT FRIENDSHIP???? The worksheets are just exercises and the ones I've seen so far will guide me to knowing my H knows me. My H will know what's important to me. AND - my H will share his hopes & dreams with me.
It's funny to me that we've been together 12 years and have never spoken of retirement. I mean, I know we're young... but still... that little cabin on the lake? Whatever, like WillWin says, there's alot of work to do. But honestly, I feel like if this book can be our bible for a while, we'll be just fine. I feel like the hard part is over. Hopefully, i'm not just being manic, ya know?
I'm scared, in a way. I'm scared to commit because I've been so burned by the loss of friendship. He was trying desparately to own me. It was terrible. So, if he can be my friend, then we're golden. If he can't - well then, at least I tried.
imo - i would not do stickies in his pockets. i would not ask for any tokens of love. your H will give them when he feels them, but he will feel compelled not to if you ask cause he doesn't want to lead you on or give you hope he's not prepared to give. give your H this book. just keep telling him you're sorry, and try to keep your chin up... try to be goofy, try to smile.
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